Obediant 2008

I am praying for so many things on a daily basis like not letting outside forces work my nerves. I am trying to find the BEST OF ME and get her back. I can't play around anymore and think I can sin and then turn around as ask God to bless me, so I have to be obedient. God knows my heart and my desire is to be exactly who he says I am. I used to struggle with the fact that I am not yet married and caring for a child but God does not want me to feel ashamed. I am trying to accept that and wait on the Lord with all the faith I can muster...get it muster like mustard seed. Ok well you know what I mean I am a faithful to God and what he is going to do in my life.

I won't lie sometimes I get angry,scared,mean spirited,sad...but I am only human and I usually consult God for forgiveness right away. That has how it has always worked for me. My relationship with God is an intimate one,he's my friend and confidant when I need a place of refuge.I apologize for letting my flesh dictate my actions because I know he would not be pleased. I remember when I was 13, I told my mother I wanted to be a nun. I never did become a nun but I have always been that child who turned to him for everything. I know some folks that know me don't know that side and that's cool because it's not for everyone. I will admit there were times when I was so sad and angry and disappointed that my faith was not always there. I would wonder why now, why me, when will I be blessed not realizing I already am. Growing.

October 18, 2008