Virginia Beach

So I was able to take the kids to Virginia Beach and we had a great time. It was Jackson's first time and I could tell he had a ball. My lil baby got a little tan,played with his cousins and ate sand. I picked up my old camera and took some shots but I did not realize the film I had was black and white. I took 2 of Jackson with my camera phone. One shows his little tan and the other is him relaxing in my chair.

The kids had a ball and I am so happy that they did. It's so improtant to me that my kiddies have pleasent times. I know my youth did not have a lot of good times so being able to see the joy on there faces means the world to me.

Kanyeezy Has Done it Again...I Love Him

Excited

So Larry left and I miss him and so does Jackson. He was such a great help to me and a shoulder to cry on and a good ear. I was able to go out and relax while he was here and that felt so good Jackson and Larry even made me breakfast. He came in the nick of time because it was right on the heels of the confrontation Jamar and I had. I realize now I can't change him but I can change me. He almost cost me an orientation with his personal drama. All of the foolishness could have been avoided by not allowing his behavior to get to me.

I have a plan now and I am sticking to it. I have my focus and I am asking God to keep me grounded. In all things I must remember Christ. So with that said Everette will be here next week and initially he was supposed to stay with Jackson and I but the Holy Spirit says no. I am excited but I have stand firm on God's path for me and I can't mess that up at all. I had no worries with Larry because he is my good friend and there was nothing going on at all in the romance department. It was cool because he slept in my room and Jackson and I slept in his, we had a cool roommate for a couple of days.

Jackson's Christening was so emotional for me, I felt like I was giving my baby away, but for a good reason. I was when you think about it, I gave him to God and now I have to order my steps in God's word. I want my son to have a blessed life and I pray that I am there every step of the way. My closest friends and family were there. I am so proud to have them share in that moment. So many exciting things have happened and will happen and I am feeling so thankful. Larry came,Jackson got Christened,and I will be working at my dream job before the year is over. Let the praises go up and the blessings come down.

Chasing Pavments

Chasing Pavements Video

Feeling Again, but Not Hoping pt2

Talked to Everette last night, it was late. I really don't want to put myself out there only to be crushed again. I have finally gotten to a point where I am smiling again. I will not lie and pretend I am happy but I am trying to put forth more smiles than tears. My trust in men has been shattered by my son's father, Everette wants to restore it but he is human and it's possible for him to fail too.

Is there such a thing as true honest love out there. I never thought of myself as a complicated chick, I just appreciate someone who needs and craves commitment, consistency and stability in there life. I look at my son and I am trying to keep that going for his sake. I will never change my position on 2 parent homes. I think you make the sacrifice for yourself and the ones you care about. I learned long ago there is nothing out in the world for me. I am trying so hard to live in the spiritual world but I won't lie the devil is busy.

The devil loves when I lose my cool, he loves when I question my celibacy. Is Everette the one? He has expressed over and over again how much he always wanted us to be a family and Jackson should be his son. I know because he loves me, he loves my son but I am so afraid to take the chance. In a way him being in Texas is good, no temptation to do wrong. I am really going to have to pray for guidance and protection when he comes up to visit. I am so excited I am bursting at the seams, I can't wait to see him again. I broke his heart and I know leaving him for Jamar has done damage. I love him but not like I loved Jamar.

Will you Dance with me...

To this song? I love it. So beautiful and I feel so sexy when I hear it, makes me think of good time with the one I was in love with.

04 - Anthony David - Words Ft. India Arie - The Red Clay Chronicles from http://girlpoet.vox.com/

Tired but I Can't Sleep

Just drove 5 hours back home and Jackson is fast asleep. He is really a rider, my road buddy. You know mama got get places to get things done for his future. I pray that all that I am doing now and in the future pays off for him. So my brakes are shot and I won't accept any money from my friend. I just need his ear and a shoulder. The gas got cut off because I always have to wait on BD for a late check. I guess that's how he sticks it to me. No worries it won't be long and he won't be able to strees me out anymore.

So Micah and I are done, funny we never got off the ground thanks to Jamar. I finally got the nerve to talk to a guy after a year and a half. He is the 2nd guy I have met for this year and no luck. At least he kissed me on the cheek and held my hand. The last man I kissed was Jamar,wow I remember it was February 2007 and I have not had ANY contact with ANY man since. I could probably claim virgin status now. I am still afraid to try, I want to because I get lonley and because I practice abstainence I lead a pretty pathetic life. I heard single mothers get very little one on one attention,were too busy taking care of anyone else.

Jackson and I have been staying with my boy and it's been cool. There was no gas to bath,boil water for Jackson's food and he was there. I am enjoying the company and the help with Jackson, God knows I get so tired. I know I need to go to the doctor but I feel like moost of them are full of crap. I'll just wait untill I fall out because I don't have time to be wasting time. I will say I am feeling the love and caring and great conversation. Jackson loves all the space and who could blame him, i don't know If we will ever go home,lol.

Jamar is living his happy comfortable life and I am trying to do the same. I envy him in some ways. He has the ability to share himself sexually with no conscience. I wish I could be that way sometimes, I will admit I miss being touched. I have to pray that God protect me and my flesh. I so want to be obediant so I have to ask for a hedge of protection all the time. It gets hard when you just want to be held, kissed, and told something sweet like I miss you. Anywho I hope I get to be loved on soon before my time to do anything is pretty much gone. I'll just love on Jackson for now. As a matter of fact let me do that now...good night.

My Booba

Looks like someone is having a bad hair day, what happened son?



Jackson get out of the window!

I don't care what you say I said no Jackson!

Ok I forgive you, thanks for the kiss.

After Tonight

This is a sweet and beautiful song, I love it plus he's cute.