A Mother's Love

It's totally black outside, I can still see the rain falling though. Figured I would reflect on how thankful I am for my little one.

I fall more and more in love with my child everyday. Sometimes at night even though I have sent him onto bed, I'll go into his room, and curl up beside him. I can't even begin to express how full my heart is for this child, he saved my life. God help me to guide him, protect him, create beautiful happy memories for him and with him...and when it's time for him to leave the nest, I allow him to fly.

 That I not scare him with  fears of the world, help me to let go when it's time. Who knew someone so tiny would come in and make all the difference, not just to me but to others. To the ailing, the broken...he moves people. I used to lay hands on my belly and pray for him. I prayed he would be a light and a leader. My loving sweet child, your tiny hands in mine, the way your laugh is contagious. Even when I am stern with you, one giggle and I am reduced to laughing myself. Thank you God for this miracle. When everything and everyone said no, God said so. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully express the way I feel about you, but I pray you somehow you know. Lord please grant me a long enough life to see this gift along the way, but I know whatever is your will, it shall be.

I look at the leaps and bounds you have made over the past two years and I still get emotional. I honestly didn't think I could not make certain things work but I did. I am my mother's child and she raised a survivor. I may not be raising my child exactly the way she raised me, but I am sooooooooooo grateful for all she bestowed upon me to get me to where I am now as a woman and a mother. She raised a survivor, warrior some might even say. I pray I continually equip my child with the tools he will need to make it in this world. God continue to allow my talents and gifts to be a learning tool not just to my child but to others. Thank you for the gift of song, and the ability to create and motivate in so many other arenas.

God allow me to not shelter him and myself so much, our care and safety and overall well being  is my utmost concern. I can't wait to do this again, prayerfully with a girl...but God whichever you send me I am grateful.  Protect us, grant us mercy Lord.

Sisters in Life and Song

Wanna see us in concert? You just might get your wish. I was and still am so humbled that my sister in song asked me to lend vocals and arrangements on her forthcoming single. Gosh I miss how we used to rock the stage together, and a concert seems like the best thing to do. We might add a possible third, just to round out the set. With all the cliques in music, we were able to bond and become sisters past all the mess the others are dealing with. We do it for the love, money and popularity are cool...but if it's not fun what's that point, and we know how to have fun.

Last Night and Today Random Thoughts

I love my boss and thoroughly loved the fact that he called me to impart wisdom. I love the he knows he can trust me and I LOVE what I get to do on a daily basis.

Intended on washing the load of clothes that have been staring at me for a week now...I've literally been so physically tired I keep falling asleep. This weekend I vow to wash, clean and have a little fun.

I vow to not do ANY theater this summer. I can't see myself couped up in a theater all summer...no way. Fall and Spring ya'll got me I promise....if the coins are right that is. This Diva don't work for free.

It's hot as all get out today, left work early, took care of my biz and was able to pick up my lil one who happened to come running out in full face paint. Hilarious that kid of mine is, I embrace his comedic side lol.

I can't wait to go to church, though I connect and worship anywhere and anytime on my own, I can't wait to get to church. God...thank you, forgive me, and guide me, especially with my ex.

 TGIF!!! What a week,phew! I am so glad it's over. A momma's work is never done, praying to get a little rest somewhere over the weekend. Stay hydrated!!!!!

TV ?

What is the big guys name on this show Around the World in 80 Plates? No Bueno! I may go back to a no TV lifestyle, not sure. The lil one seems to like being able to watch it, but then again I would too. I am sure it is a sweet departure from all the educational stuff I had him watching.

I try my best to look away but I am semi addicted to these reality shows. Perhaps I'll rethink script writing, software just looking at me waiting for me to use it. Is this what we,I  am down to? I think I like the reality shows better for the simple fact that it's fast and easy. My schedule is to packed to really get into and commit to a show. I don't want to start it, fall in love with it and then forget the channel and time lmbo! Fading fast, ate popcorn for dinner, tv is watching me right now.

Torn

Part of me feels so good and the other part feels so bad. Actually I feel...heck I don't know how I feel. When I walked in I almost threw up in my mouth from all the country bumpkin decor. Yes it's exciting to do something, somewhere you are not supposed to. Would I want him to do that to me, no...but it's not me, it's her.

My mind has been racing over the past couple of days about how we even got here. It's crazy to me how we put up walls so strong and it's all torn down with a kiss and a touch. I feel powerless, and as much as I like to be in control...I don't want to control this. Granted it's familiar and he claims i'll always be his only love, but is this the right direction for my life? She and I are nothing a like and from his perspective she's the "Money Momma" I guess Sugar Momma is the proper term, because she finances everything, even the money he give me.

I really need to have God direct my path. Why did we have to make up, things were so much more less complicated when we hated each other. All the sneaking and creeping is starting to mess with my heart. I told myself it would strictly be physical and to never trust him with my heart again but...

He wants out with her and in with me...but I don't know if I want him back in. God forgive me for stepping back into that house...I think we made it a point to visit every room. Lunchtime was never this good. Because I speak through music here goes. Enjoy.

What it really is.

He tells me all his secrets
She thinks that I don't know
We lay together in daylight
I love him so

Teachable Moments

What a long and interesting day. I think the brightest reward was being able to facilitate the hiring of someone I know. Though other people associated with said person in others eyes would beg me not to help. I have learned that by being kind, genuine and forgiving to this person may teach them a lesson in how unconditional love and forgiveness works. YES, I HEAR YOU ALL WHEN YOU SAY, DON'T DO IT. I have to because it's the right thing to do. For my growth/maturity and theirs.

Now the flip, women hating on other women who are in positions of "Power" is the worst. I guess home girl didn't realize who we were and blatantly but unknowing played herself. I promised myself I would not take her behavior personal but I will check it. I am under the belief that the anger and disrespect... even self hate she is exhibiting, stems from something....can't pinpoint what and I won't try...I'll just keep my eye on her. Pray she lasts LMBO!

Body is tired, mind is floating into a state of I could care less. Feet propped up, dozing in 5,4,3,2.......

The Sinking Feeling

There is something to be said about trust and love. If you have no trust, you can ditch the love part. It's bound to fail sooner than later. Don't ever be so desperate to hold onto a man or a woman you know you can't trust. You know you can't trust them, but because you don't want anyone else to have them or you KNOW they want someone else, you stay. Or you don't know how to be alone and so you settle, don't be that person. If your gut keeps tossing and turning and you get that sinking feeling...well you.  Sigh

Hot Diggity Dog

I love when money comes in the mail!!!

Rodney King, key figure in LA riots, dead at 47

Rodney King, key figure in LA riots, dead at 47

Look What Momma Got Tonight!!!

Look what he got me!! Super stoked ,surprised, AND my new favorite sweet obsession It's the little things. #Effort

Father's Day Surprise

Planning something amazing and familiar!!!!

Stress Relievers

Up early and well rested. It's amazing how a simple activity can relieve so much stress. That was long overdue. I feel like I can jog for miles.....ahhhh come on Sunday.

The Way You Make Me Feel

It's amazing what two people can accomplish in a limited amount of time.....still tingling, warm and fuzzy.

Hit and Run

So I am guessing the young lady that decided to hit me and flee the scene thought she got off scott free. I don't think so. Met up with my super talented friend Lovoz after the Awards show to grab a bite to eat..got hit on the way home...sucks right.Though the pain is not that bad I still have to take care of myself. I had my first Chiropractic visit and man it felt good. I don't really care about the damage to me car, but it's the principle of the matter. One of my friends suggested that I get out and confront the driver...I was like sure...so I could be kissing pavement, I got kids, no thanks.

I am just thankful to be alive and safe. I can't wait for my next Chiropractic visit...did I just say that? Well Dr. is cute lol.

Graduation Day

I gave my little one's Teacher and all the Aides a custom made token of appreciation and cards...not a dry eye in the house ya hear? What an emotional day, heck what an emotional year. Words can't express the love, security and dedication I feel for this staff. Oh and did I mention he made Honor Roll? I think I posted a picture of his certificate on Facebook, but If I didn't I eventually will.
I am a very Proud Momma Bear, you did it baby, upwards and onwards!!

Women

Why are you so intimidated by me? Is it that you are insecure because I have what you don't...or you think you have it, but deep down you know it's on thin ice? I know now why they say women are catty, jealous, what have you. Until you lock your game down, you'll always have that fear of "me"....and yes you should be very afraid.

Secret Love...Well Not Really a Secret

Finally some common courtesy for all that I do. You sure did surprise me with that last trick you learned, I can't wait until the next time. Thanks for remembering how to make me giggle,you do wonders for my ego! I won't tell if you won't tell....shhhhhh

You are Called By Name.....Devil

You think you got it going on? You think you can fool me and everyone else, well you got me messed up...I got two feet and I am about to stomp the hell out of you! Oh and I got a who crew that feels the exact same way, brace yourself it's on it's way.

New Sheriff in Town, You have been replaced.

So it's official. Replaced, REPLACING bad daddy, with good daddy. I can already see and feel the difference. There has been a shift in the atmosphere. This happening has to be the best thing to happen since sliced bread. In a matter of time, you will not even be a thought or a mention. Your ways I have grown tired of and it's time to go. I am so over, been over...you are now my sloppy seconds. There is a new sheriff in town and there is not enough space on this blog to talk about how he puts a smile on my face.

Loved this review! While I am not one to go into details about intimate relations, I am happy she likes her new product. I swear I laughed so hard, the way she had me running down the mailman. She just knew her new toy had arrived and he had it. Enjoy and don't electrocute yourself lol.

Our Mountain Retreat

They love to catch us giving looks at one another, hilarious!

 We love corn

 I am always safe and secure with you. I get so emotional just thinking about the unconditional love you have given me. God is all up and through you. I am me, with you good,bad and indifferent...you encourage me to be better and never leave my side when I falter. That is what real love is.

We crashed a reception, danced all night, played and laughed. Last year was amazing, let's do it again baby!

Some Pictures from Last Summer

 Absolute fun weekend. No one talking about work all weekend, just love, romance and real chances. We can't wait to go back, I got an amazing tan.

The Ultimate Truth

I will always love and care. I also know you never did. Truth.

I'm Just Saying

Why are women so...

I am always amazed at women who give each other a hard time, and for no reason at all. Either they are insecure, jealous, mean spirited especially towards each other. There has to be some resolve, I literally get sick of this. So many women out there doing their best to tear each other down, like crabs in a barrel. What God has for you is for you, no need to try and make others look and feel bad. In the end you will always lose that fight. I literally had to just sit back and calm and reflect.

I hear hating is a disease, get well soon fool.

My Big Fat....

So I pulled back some layers today...yes more layers. I confessed that I had lost my confidence in feeling like it's ok to have the life I dreamed of. It's taken four long years, to realize that my views on love and relationships are worthy, that I am worthy. I was afraid to be soft and vulnerable...to be the woman I know I am. I also won't give people who don't know how to cherish that in me any glimpse of it either. The lesson learned is those very same people once should always cover and care for you. By letting your guard down these very same ones will throw your weak spots in your face later.....all from personal experience I might add.

I started to believe all the things that were not given to me in my past relationship. He didn't make me feel beautiful inside and out, and it crushed me I was disreguarded and alienated...... So I treated him the same way. Never makes it right, but I was holding up a mirror in hopes he saw his own behavior. Now my heart is mending and I get butterflies when I think about all the amazing things that are unfolding. I recalled how I had added to his "issues" by adding my own fears and self judgement. I raked myself over the coals and told myself "You are not enough".....until.

He said to me..."You are enough and then some." Tears!!

Oh update...planting roots in Denver, Co

A letter to you

What about just being honest with yourself. It has to be hard to live the way you do everyday. To carry the hurt and hatred in your heart like an anchor. To live a lie, pretending to be happy and content when the reality is that you are stuck. I am not stating this a personal dig, I am saying it because believe it or not, I do care about you.

It must be hard knowing you are responsible for so much misery, separation, segregation and even deception. Set people free with the truth, they will still love you and even respect you more for it. The sooner you are honest the lighter your heart and life will be. Let go of lackluster versions of people who deserve to be set free....it's not fair to keep them in a holding pattern and more so believing they are your hearts desire. Believe that when you let them go they will survive and by doing that,you will bless them.

Family and friends will understand when you come clean about the things you have said, did, and the way you have acted. It's understandable, you're hurt....I want you to whole again.