A letter to my Father

Father God

I am so desperate to please you. Sometime I feel so lost and that my life is all for not. Ever since I could remember I felt like death has been my shadow waiting to envelope me. Since I was a little girl I wanted to be good and when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior pleasing him was all I wanted to do. When storms would rage in my life I would ask you God why is this happening to me. I have never felt free in my entire life.

What can I do? How can I live my life in order to serve you, I feel clumsy and undeserving of any kind of mercy. I am a liar. I have portrayed myself as a strong person when I have not. I have allowed myself and others to defile me, All I want is to be accepted into the heavenly kingdom but I feel like I am falling short every time. I want a pure and clean heart not just for myself but for my son. I am so sorry for not believing you are faithful at times. Please forgive me for failing you. Because I had not committed to you fully and whole heartily I have had many painful situations occure. I have had to learn some lessons in very hurtful and painful ways, I am still learning and it still hurt and it's even more painful. I know you know my strengths and weaknesses and would not allow certain things to take place in vain. I feel weak in mind, body and spirit. I feel ashamed for questioning my pledge of celibacy. Please forgive me.

I feel my disobediance has gotten in the way of any potential you have for me. I so desperatly want to be a good christian, mother and wife. I desire all these things yet because of my actions I feel like you punish me, and rightfully so. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and continue to lead an upright life. Show me what you need me to do.


Paul the Apostle said we all have a gift and that when we are single we can focus more clearly on God fully,I want to be holy in body and spirit. Because of my disobedience and impatience I became pregnant and subsoquently left by the father of my child. Because I thought I was in control and I hurt myself over and over again. I was straddling the fence thinking all that I wanted God to bless me with would still be granted. I am sorry for not waiting on you Lord. I am desperately running in a never ending maze, God grant me a way of escape and keep me safe. I am afraid of the world and myself, please heal my broken heart. I am calling on you, please save me because I don't want to be left behind. I want to be there with you and I fear having to spend the rest of eturnity in hell.


I pray that my personal failures do not follow my son. I pray that the generational curse stops with my son and that we both live for you. I want to live, I need to survive. Bless me Father, forgive me, have mercy on me. I want my life to be a light for others and that you are glorified because of it. My false representative is much more eloquent, here I feel misplace and grasping to say the right things to you. Please know my heart is sincere. Remove all that is not pleasing to you because I am a failure.

My son belongs to you and I am humbled because of it. You know our lives before we came to be and never in my dreams did I see my son being in my life, yet here he is. He is because of you, thank you Father. Thank you for staying my flesh, deliver me from sin, bless my son,my life, my household and all I encounter. I am fully committed to you, I am reaching out to you, please reach for me too.


I need you Father, please remember me in your kingdom.

Obama I won't let you down.

So Funny

What do you expect?

So J feels like I shut the door in his face. He came,did what he had to do, said what he needed to say and once I asked him if he wanted to come in he said no. I then said ok see ya and shut the door, what more do you need? Funny because he feels like I am treating him a certain way. I just give an outward expression of an inward confession.

J seems to be under some impression that I own him respect. You can't kill a persons dreams, drag them through an emotional mud pit, make decisions that exclude them and think they are supposed to be civil with you. Depending on the day consider yourself lucky.

Getting out the House

Hey Jackson can you hear Mommy?

I miss you and I can't sleep because of it. At about 8 am I will miss you jumping on my head,pulling my hair and kissing me on my lips to wake me up. I can't wait until you come home so we can play, love and laugh.

Totally Bored Out of my Mind

What Kind Of Lover Are You?

You Scored a 77% which means you are a ....

 

Sincere Lover. You are such a total sweetheart people have a hard time taking you seriously. Sadly, because you are so sincere and sweet you get walked all over. Try to hold your ground a little bit and beware of the selfish lover. The feed off of sincere lovers like yourself. Even though you get used and abused a lot you still have a heart of gold.

What kind of lover are you
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Stern but fare

You are very stern. Your way is "Work first play latter" and for your younger kids "Study First Play Later". But you let your kids do MOSTLY what they want as long as you approve of it and of course AFTER work do there homework!

What kind of Christian are you? Your Result: You Are An Evangelical   You believe that salvation is by grace through faith. That each element is indispensible in bringing a man/woman to salvation. You tend to interpet the bible as it was written and do not seek to add to or take away from its meaning based on your own theology
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What kind of Christian are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

You Are Big Black Boots!

You can be best described as: attitude You've got lots of it - and you love to give it A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you But if he's your type, you'll warm up... a little

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Some Nerve

I was going to vent on this blog, but I just realized it was not even worth my energy.

Where is Camp Lo?