Men and the Love They Deserve

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give; which is everything." -Katherine Hepburn


So I know this particular fellow has been poking me on facebook and making a point to speak when I help host the alumni events. He's more than a little good looking and has a bit of a rep for being a ladies man. Why me?...am I the one who is not tangible? I guess because I don't pay to much never mind to men they flock to me. So we connect and I am expecting this uber suave, fast talking, selfish asshole...NOT EVEN. Soft, extra shy, intimidated by me,nervous, scared,and says sorry way too much. He's so damaged it's sad. I think we assume that men don't need to be cared for. I had to tell him he deserved good honest, monogamous, healthy, good love. He told me in his head I would make the perfect girlfriend or wife if it were right, right now.

Awwwwww *Tears* Not really but it was a sweet thing to say. I don't really have it in me to hold any guys hand, nor do I want to...no time. I told him I was not judging him as he proceeded to tell me about how he has a hard time connecting with women. He said he struggle because of his shyness, and the women he has interest in seem so far out of his reach. He went onto say he found me attractive and loved my drive as far as school and raising my son. I told him I respect and cherish his feelings and that it was cute he thought so much of me.


Our connection was to say the least...interesting.

Just a little while longer

I have 2 classes on Monday, lil one is sick, my research paper is due on Thursday, did I say my lil one is sick. I also have to write an essay to try and win a scholarship, I really could use it. God I am calling for a healing and a sitter so I can go to class. The car was jerking last night, I can't afford for my ride to go down, trying to not stress out. Got to be strong hold on, hold on. Let's just say one day at a time sweet Jesus. I just need my baby boy to get better, I hate to see him suffer. If I could take on his pain I would. Something has got to give.

Holding onto my feelings today.

Surgery today, calling on God and all his angel warriors.

Love is a Verb...You just have to do it!

Semester is almost over thank Gawd!!!!!!!!!. I have to give him praise because so many times I felt like throwing in the towel. I was sick so many times, Jackson was sick, my ankle is still in a lot of pain. I was Aunt Em in The Wiz, took Mid-Terms and now buckling down for Finals. So many nights I came home, got Jackson feed, bathed, loved on and off to bed only to fall asleep studying. Waking up in the clothes from the day before only to do it all again. Still looking for a job, no luck so far but I refuse to stress out. I REFUSE TO STRESS OUT even though my English Professor got sick and we finally got a replacement sort of. She slams us with a 5 page research paper for our final...really lady...like I got time. Either way I want to pass, so it has to get done.

I need to be worth my weight in salt meaning:In the middle ages salt was very rare and valuable, so a person "worth their weight" was a person who was needed and valuable. Wiki

I never really ever have time to study, love on Jackson,spend time with him or really take a moment to relax. I spend most of my time playing catch up...not good, my house is a wreck. I feel guilty at times because I don't get the quality time with my son like I want and need. I feel like I made this commitment to go back to school and finish my degree. The sacrifices need to be made for a better tomorrow. I pray that there will be some balance but for now I won't complain..praise GOD!