Shine

<-------That`s me on my very first solo gig with a live band in about 2 years.
Click on pics for better view.How blessed was I to have the Stylistics band to play for me.
I was in a band before but I was not the only soloist.I had been doing theater in NY for about 2yrs and found that returning to the mic was not going to be so easy.I was nervous and excited all at the same time.I won`t ramble on this post but I will say i did shine.
I rocked the crowd and they rocked back...gotta love it huh!
My band members play for the Stylistics and they were awsome,my background killed it.I am so lucky to have so many talented beatiful folks as friends.
I didn`t fuss to much with outfits and make-up,I just kinda showed up and sang my heart out.I did all the things I normally do in my mirror at home.I would like to think I perform as if I have already arrived,folks want there moneys worth and that`s what I give um.I pray I am given more opportunities to shine in the future.

Lost in the verse of a song...

I named my blog that because I love music so much. I sometimes I find myself listening to a song so close I pick up things that the average person is not checking for. I follow how the music moves; find where the pulse of it lies, what the lyrics say.
Usually I’m lost in the verse of a song. I see myself there dancing, crying, laughing.It rings true for me there and I bath in it.
It’s that line that confirms exactly how you feel at that moment, or brings back a memory in an instant.
I am a Picese and I am very attracted to water, I look at music the same way. It calms me and I need to swim in it for sanity sake.

Dear God

Dear God

What do you need me to do?
I find often times Lord that I am so lost in what direction my life is going.
Am I doing your will? Often times I feel like I fall short.I am so very thankful for everything you bless me with,I am humbled by your mercies,I know that I am not worthy of all your blessing,yet you love me still.
I want to be that woman you would have me to be,I know you are working on me and I welcome it with open arms.

At this point I know that I need to take bigger steps toward you,help me Father
I know we are all born into a sinful world, how do I avoid the pitfalls?I long to have that relationship with one man for the rest of my life.
Not because I feel incompleat being single,but moreso because I would be compleat with your blessing and love on a union you saw fit. Too many times we are not operating the way God would prefer us to. Who wants to fail at companionship? I personally don't function well if I know things are not right spiritually

God help me,help me!
I want to sell out all the way for you but sometimes you seem so far.
I wonder how should I act,what should I say,what makes a good christian?
I feel like the pressure to perform the good deeds sometimes are soley left on me. My sisters just don't seem to get it, and I feel like I always have to be strong, responsible, I always have to pick up the pieces.
I get tired;tired because my sisters don't help me with our mother.Their just off living there lives. Im the obediant daughter,sometimes I feel resentful about this at times and often beat myself with the guilt for not always wanting to be the one my family depends on..Sometimes the pressure is more than i want to bear. I wish that I could move about freely in life and just do me at times, do things for myself like travel, move wherever I want, have the career I dream of. I am afraid that the moment I leave my mothers side she will die. I know I will never forgive myself for not being there if I just do me. I guess that is what keeps me in the same spot, feelings of guilt and obligation to not live for me,but only to make her life better.
Is that selfish God? Is it selfish of my to want things for myself?

What would you have me do?,purify me and creat a new me for you and the world.

Me
For those who read this,yes I am being very honest about who i am now.I don`t want to edit any part of who i am anymore.I don`t care how pretty or ugly i comes across this is me in a very vunerable form.I talk to God all the time and these are some of the things i talk to him about.I worry,I cry ,get frustrated with things and i tell him.We speak in the car,in my bed at night,in my office,i don`t care if someone sees me talking and thinks i am crazy,i know who i am having the conversation with.
My life is not some sad downtroddened story,I am very blessed.
I have many things that i am thankful for,yet i am still human i fail God at times.
I feel bad and i try my best to get back up again.

Wishful Thinking and Understanding
I just want things to be a bit more to the right than the left in my world.I want to know that i am on the straight and narrow.
I want to court,fall in love and marry a wonderful guy and pop out a couple of cute tykes.I want to take care of my mommy,but have the help of my sisters.I don`t want to feel guilty to venture out into the world because she feels she has only me to hold onto. People in my life who I can never please, and will never understand that my heart is with them. I think sometimes these people don't understand how much I have before me and feel I abandon them at times, when really I am already stretched to a potential breaking point.

Mother/Friend
It's a shackle of guilt because I don`t want to fail her where others did so many times before.I feel like much like a caged bird at times with my mother.
Loving her and wanting to be near and afraid still spread my wings and fly, afraid to realize my full potential because then I would not be able to focus on her 100%.
What would you make of my life God, Where do I go from here?