A song to inspire a blog:Musiq Soul Child

All I have to say is "Teach Me How to Love" Is beautiful song. I guess I am true romantic and lover of honesty. I am also a music junkie so there is a vast array of music that appeals to my musical pallet. Everything from Carol King to KRS1 and Cyndie Lauper. This song basically is about a man who cares enough about himself, his woman and his relationship to humble himself and say "Teach Me How to Love". I blogged a day or so ago about my nephew and I thought of this song. Eventually he will be a man and showing him how to love now will benefit him in the future. I love the fact that he likes to race cars and wrestle but I also need him to understand compassion and that giving a hug or a kind word is alright too. I always looked at him as my own and felt a maternal pull to him. I guess I felt a need to step in and provide certain things I knew he would need to make it. I also feel with each day that my unborn grows inside of me that maternal instinct has kicked itself up a few notches and the need to connect on a deeper level with my babies is more important now that ever.

Boys to Men

I find that I have to constantly stay on my little man because he has a tendency to pass the buck. I don't want him to grow up not giving of himself and waiting for others to do things he should be doing on his own. I notice how he is with the girls in our life and I see a need to bump up some things for him. How are we raising the man-child. Too many times I have listened to women, myself included at some point about men who don't really act like men. There is a continued frustration amongst sisters who can't even get a man to hold her hand much less comprehend the importance of family. Are we really loving each other to the full potential, are we sending our young men out into the world without implanting in them that your counterpart is very valuable to them.

I think about Omar and I pray that I am able to teach him how to be a gentleman, how to fearlessly show his feelings, how to be romantic, passionate, spiritual, compassionate, humble and understanding. I really believe he will have a better chance in the crazy world for it. I believe upon meeting a mate that chooses him, she will be happy about the man he is. I ran into a woman who believed that in order for her son to be a man he needed to model his life after his father whom happens to be a pimp. She was ok with the fact that he would not cherish a woman and not be responsible for her and treat her like a queen. I see her frustration with him now and the potential heartache that will follow, but at the same time she pushes him to a more destructive lifestyle. How are we raising our boys? Are we raising them to be leaders, to be strong, to be selfless in a selfish world? Or are we saying its ok you don't have to try to be upstanding.

Father God please give me the strength and guidance to raise Omar in the way he should go into the world. I believe he will be a better man and a great asset to any church, woman, child, friend, or company. It's so important to arm our boys with love and affection because it will easier later on in life to show love with strength. It will not hinder them from spirituality, romance, and intimacy on many different levels. I pray for all my man children out there because we need you.

Lessons about Love and the Experience of Pregnancy

I ran across some literature to give some understanding... a little prayer helped as well because I am always willing to learn, especially the word of God. I am always on a search for him and what his will is in my life. I spent so much time upset about where I felt others had failed me or treated me unkind. I am still learning to forgive and let go and to move on. Love is what love does; it's not just words but the actions behind it.There are so many angles that have shown me the spirit of giving. They say when you give you get back ten fold and I feel very blessed. I get emotional when I think of the kindness bestowed upon me,sometimes I don't feel worthy. My friends helping me get my shoes on, to helping me lotion my legs,bringing me food,giving me money, keeping me company,rubbbing my swollen fat feet,my back,praying for me. I see God in them and I feel so blessed. When you think about it, it can be very easy to give others what they need not just what's comfortable for you. Romans 12 speaks to us about how we deal with one another.

Though Christ wants us to love one another we also need to be mindful of those who do not treat us with love and kindness. You do not have to tolerate not being treated well because you are a child of God and he does not want to see any of his children hurting. I really believe that having my family and friends around me has helped to foster a better relationship with my unborn child. So you learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. Love is what love does. My close friends and family are so excited for the birth of this child and I feel so bless that so many people are moved by my pregnancy. Who knew? God knew that this child would come. There were so many health issues I had dealt with in the past and doctors telling me “I need to put you on this medication or that medication". I was basically told if I were to become pregnant I would need assistance. I always had a fear of getting too involved with men because ALL the men I dated seriously in the past at some point proposed marriage and children. I knew I was not ready to marry any of them because I knew that it was not in God's will. I also feared disclosing what seemed to be a physical problem to them for fear I would not fulfill what they needed and would I be rejected. Jacked up right? I needed to learn I was worthy of love regardless and that someone would love me unconditionally.
I am still learning that you come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. The person who really loves you can demonstrate love and be there no matter what the situation. Love will never leave you lonely; love will be there to whisper in your ear I will catch you if you fall. Love will always fight, Love is what Love Does.

So in all this rambling I have been doing I pray that the love of God fills us all and we go forward in life anew. Lord, open our eyes so that we might see in your word something that speaks to each of us and moves us to action and transformation and we ask this in Christ name. Amen.

So many thoughts run through my mind 6/25/07

I have a tendency to think a lot, I don't mean a little bit at a time i mean a lot. Sometimes I wonder If i think too much. I am losing sleep, I just want God show me what it is he would have me do. I am know I am blessed but I will not lie my faith waivers. Why is he in my life? Will he be who God says he is? Where is his heart,am I a priority to him. Who is he? God grant me a loving relationship with a 2 parent home for my future unborn. Thank you for being for being the Great I Am.

Women And Apples

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE

Tired

I am so tired today, I just upchucked everything I ate about an hour ago. Sleep escaped me every night. It's so frustrating trying to get comfortable because I never seem to get it right. My hips are starting to hurt in the middle of the night because I can only sleep on my sides. Sleeping on my back offers some relief but not for long. Throwing up really wipes you out physically, but in a sick and twisted way it makes me feel better once I am done.

I tried to clean my apartment up on Sunday and ended up over doing it. My ac was off so that did not help either. Welcome to the life huh! I know I did too much because I even ventured to the grocery store in the heat. My bags were heavy as hell but I did not have anything in my home to eat. What else works my nerves....ah yes driving and driving while hot, hungry, sad, and let's not forget tired. I usually can't wait for the day to be over so I can sleep, well pretend to sleep. I just lay there most of the time letting my mind run until I can't hold my eyes open anymore.

I am really trying my best to enjoy my summer but with each passing day it gets harder. I figure between the heat and the life force inside of me is enough to zap anyone’s energy. I still try because I am still that little kid inside that never wanted to take a nap. I used to think I was missing something if I took a nap, same feeling still applies today. I think my goal for the summer is to stay cool and wet, eat well and relax as best as I can. I really want to go back to Canaan Valley because it is so beautiful and relaxing. There is something about being around nature that really soothes my heart, body and soul. I guess I feel like I am amidst God's rawest creations. I appreciate the wind in the trees and the ripple of the streams and long to let it all envelope me.

Just thinking of that place gave me a small boost of energy to last me a momemt of so until the end of the day.

What would I do without you...

So my mother was hit by a car on June 12, 2007. I just thank God she is not dead or left handicapped. I was notified while at work and just lost it. I hate feeling helpless and not being to always be there for the people I love. I understand that I can't be everywhere all the time but damn. My mother has always sacrificed and worked hard for her family and to know she is hurting and not wanting for anything to causes me distress. Sometimes I wonder what more can happen in my life. I really believe the devil tries to show his face every chance he gets. I just keep asking God to give me strength to keep my head up and press on regardless of the situation.

I find myself calling on the Lord more and more and asking him to keep me and my loved ones in his unchanging hand. This world can be a hard place to live at times. We all seem to be living check to check or worrying about the war. We have our brothers and sisters dying in Darfur and in many other places around the world. Crime is an everyday thing. Somewhere in the madness we have to ask God for peace and guidance. I am not saying I am perfect but I am trying to live a good life. I have to stay in constant prayer to remember that God will always heal a broken heart and make a way out of what may seem impossible. I have very human moments where I can't help but to worry because I can't see what the end result is. I ask God in those times to just keep the tears from falling and to keep my heart open and understanding of what he wants for me.

So let's see, mom was threatened 2 weeks ago, caught 2 mice, one died on top of my stove (gross), a horrible cold, no sleep because I am so uncomfortable now that my stomach is growing, no ac, no elevators (most of the time), car troubles (leaving me broke), mother getting hit by a car, uncertain of where we will live, and pregnant. I could go on and on but I won't because I have to keep praising him. I have to give him all the glory in my life because I am still standing. You may think that your life is so horrible but trust me when I say there is someone else who has it worse. I thank God for all I have and all he will bless me with.

My mother is still with me, she may be beaten and bruised but she's still here thank God, I am so very blessed.