So my girl and I have been talking about love and life. She sends me her poetry from time to time. She must have been running around in my head and heart when she cranked this one out....gotta love her. Thanks AE.
Lament
I never liked the way I fell in love with you,
real hard, too genuine.
You never knew that I fasted and prayed to God often,
most times for me and others, and sometimes for you.
Though I foresaw me getting hurt, I chose not to run.
I have always been a government of suffering
So I figured, one more hurt might finally kill me.
For me it was a blind and broken time.
I was broken and in the midst of healing I was blinded by the idea of holiness.
Be optimistic: see past external, search him for all that is good.
Be selfless: give of me and ask for nothing in return.
Be genuine: dwell in truth and fear not vulnerability.
With all guards down, the truth became too painful for me to endure.
Your rejection made me crazy.
I was angry; you weren’t supposed to see me cry.
I wanted my tears back.
(Those one hundred and fifty calls, were punch-drunk- love attempts at reparations)
All of my guiding lights seemed to disappear,
The holy path disintegrated,
and I realized
that heaven is merely a mythical place that gives those who are afraid to die
something to believe in.
My heart hurt beyond recognition, wondering
“why won’t this love shit just go away”?
I no longer need to believe in Heaven because I’m not afraid to die.
I no longer want to be holy because God isn’t.
I no longer seek love because it’s unmerciful.
It seems to be that
all of the world around you is safely in your keeping,
including your heart.
I envy that.
I’m glad to be kept at a distance both by fate and you.
I have no non-requited love remedies, nor a place of asylum,
So I drink a toast to an inevitable withdrawal.
I will not lament.
From this point on, friendship silenced,
and memories dismantled.
This leaves us each with a line that will trace back
to nothing.
