So I don't gamble but the hotel/resort is really nice. I went down to play the slots and could only bring myself to play 15 dollars. I never really got into the hype of the slots,plus my baby needs clothes. I would rather spend my money on that anyway I figure it more fun anyway. I can't sleep and I don't know how tomorrow is going to go. Jackson took forever to go to bed and folks wonder why I am always tired. He is a handful and with him trying to crawl and walk and pull everything down it's a mess. I had to tap his little legs today because he is getting to be a bit unruly. Nothing hard but enough for him to know who is boss. He is determined to have his way and it can't always be that way. Next thing you know he will be falling out in public and I can't have that. I have to be both stern and gentle,it's so much work but without any day to day help it can't be any other way. I have about 4 to 6 gray hairs that are present in the front of my head. I guess life and stress is rearing it's ugly head. I will take this time in AC to try and relax. The weather is crummy and cold which suck big time. I'll drive to NY tomorrow to look for clothes for my son and see if I can splurge 13 bucks on what I used to call toenails.
I can't wait to see Larry, it's been a minute since we have been able to see each other. I can't wait, I got to wear something fly,cause I know he will have something sweet to say. When I think about it,he always says something sweet and I could look bummy. I am glad I got away, I was really feeling low,still do but at least I am out of the house. I think I am going to distance my feelings from Everette again,even though he is far away I don't have it in me to trust. Darly (my 2nd Ex) wants to as he says "heal together". I can't get with him now because he is like my brother now. He wants to love me and protect me but I don't love him that way anymore. It hurts and feels good all at the same time to know someone wants to cherish me. My son is my focus, I am not meant to have the love I dreamed about. Some dreams never come true and I am beginning to accept that. I need to get away more often, my shoulders are so tight. I hope I will be able to go to Canaan Valley this summer,take the kids and really chill out. Ok AC I am going to try and catch some ZZZ's.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Golden and Dreams of Yesterday
I will never know what it would be like to experience marriage. I always dreamed that it would be a very emotional day full of rejoicing. I know I will never know, I have not said it out loud but I know I will not happen.
I used to daydream about who my husband would be to me and making that step toward a lifelong commitment. To love,honor and cherish, I knew I would be excited because he would be my friend until the end. My partner with whom I would share everything. I hear songs and think about how nice it would be. I would visualize the day and the goings on. The show of it all is not important to me,the commitment is. Even though I want nice things a simple ring would do me just fine.
269@Walmart I think it is pretty...hey I can dream. Now I think about how I can make other peoples dreams come true. I still wonder what a lot of things would be like but now I am a full time mother,with no full time help from the father. I used to think I was special. Now I am what you call a babymamma. I never thought I would hold that title but I do. My ex's who some I am still close with are so dissappointed in my and how I got caught up. I get tired of explaining to people that I never intended to end up this way. It takes 2 and I was the only one trying to make things work. But like the song says " I can't make you love me" Unfortunatly I thought he did have some love for me,but I was wrong. Like Whitney's song "It's not right but it's ok" What can you do but dream.
Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Lets let true love connect lets try lasting forever
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, Love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Lets take two golden bands and lets walk down the isle, Love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical american shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm
I used to daydream about who my husband would be to me and making that step toward a lifelong commitment. To love,honor and cherish, I knew I would be excited because he would be my friend until the end. My partner with whom I would share everything. I hear songs and think about how nice it would be. I would visualize the day and the goings on. The show of it all is not important to me,the commitment is. Even though I want nice things a simple ring would do me just fine.
269@Walmart I think it is pretty...hey I can dream. Now I think about how I can make other peoples dreams come true. I still wonder what a lot of things would be like but now I am a full time mother,with no full time help from the father. I used to think I was special. Now I am what you call a babymamma. I never thought I would hold that title but I do. My ex's who some I am still close with are so dissappointed in my and how I got caught up. I get tired of explaining to people that I never intended to end up this way. It takes 2 and I was the only one trying to make things work. But like the song says " I can't make you love me" Unfortunatly I thought he did have some love for me,but I was wrong. Like Whitney's song "It's not right but it's ok" What can you do but dream.
Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Lets let true love connect lets try lasting forever
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, Love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Lets take two golden bands and lets walk down the isle, Love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical american shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my whole all
And I'm so ready to give till the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden
Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
So I got a 50 dollar ticket today and my left side mirror on my van got clear smashed off. Was I bad today GOD? How am I going to get the funds to pay for this?
What Black Women Are Talking About...
So this guy posed the question and I answered. We women talk and these are the things that bug us about our brothas. Some of the things I listed are the things that my girlfriends and associates have experienced while dating black men. I don't think all black men are bad but I am not alone with some of the issues I have so I know It's not just me. Will I take this guy up on his challenge? Probably not, I am too messed up to even think about trying again. I have a child and have absolutely 0 time anyway so he was SOL from the start. I hope he finds someone,if there are any takers I will pass on his email.
On 4/22/08, Stephen wrote:
From the experiences you had from the black men, I think you, and other ladies who have unfortunately found themselves in the situation you have found yourself in, have a reason to be hiding. Now, I do not say this to brag, or to sound "elitist", but I think there is two breeds of black men; there are those of us who will do nothing better than just…use their wiles to get to you, and eventually leave you with the baby.
The other breed is of real/aspiring gentlemen, who think that family is the greatest thing that God can give them, who do not want to see their sons grow without fathers, without role models, without getting all the good things in life that two people, a father and a mother, who love each other to death, and who have no intention of getting divorced, because they can work things out for the sake of themselves and their kid(s), can achieve. I think I am firmly in the second group, and I like to think that I have goals in life; things I want to achieve, and they do not include not taking care of my kids. I think I have certain goals to achieve, and I am passionate about them. I want to believe that I am in the second category of the…two "breeds". But I am glad that you did leave, because if you did not see a future in the relationship, then sometimes getting out before the whole house is on fire is critical.
Now, regarding the things you talked about: I will tick my experiences/status against some of the things you did raise:
Babymamma Drama: None. Never married, no kids. I will have some, some day.
No job I currently have one. I work as a Community Support Specialist, for a Non-Profit.
No brain Would like to think I have one. Actually, I am fairly smartJ
No affection Hmmm…
No direction Girl, my next stop, is a PhD. You don't get a PhD if you intend to become a layabout
No religion Raised Christian; very spiritual; attend church occasionally
DL I am straight as a first century Roman Road.
Crazy Ex's None. If I did have any, they would be across the ocean, in Kenya.
STD's Clean as a whistle
Allergic to commitment Me? No. No way. That is what I am looking for.
Mamma's Boys Don't know if I can be described that way. She's 11k miles away anyhow
Poor performance in the bedroom - I am not sure about this. Don't have ratings…
I think I am a king complex(but I have nothing to stand on) = Really?
I respect, and appreciate everything you shared here today. I think we cannot all be dismissed, or made to pay the price of the mistakes of a few losers. Because I know that there are winners out here, and if you do actually stop to smell the roses, you will get the good scent. I know men have not always treated women as well as they should, especially "brothers", but again, I think race is a geographical divide. Sometimes I think the way African American men treat women is completely despicable. I am not going to use the fact that I am African to make a case for suggesting that I would treat women different, I just know I would. Because it is about honor. About dignity. About doing the right thing.
Now, please prove me wrong, by allowing yourself to meet someone who is different. Me. Would you accept the challenge? Not necessary to start a relationship, but I do think you would be a great person to know.
Have a great evening.
Steve.
On 4/22/08, Stephen wrote:
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for writing back! I just wanted to briefly acknowledge your email, and tell you that I appreciate very, very much:) your taking the time to write. You raise good points; right now I must run, but I will definitely be writing back to you later today. Have a wonderful day!
Steve.
We are all hiding from black men,lol. I think there
are some good guys out there BUT...they are far and
few between.
I thought I met a nice guy right on craigslist in
05,we just had a son in 07. He seemed nice until times
got rough and so I left him. Black women are craving a
man with some balls and the backbone to hold them up.
Most of the time brotha get the tight face because we
are sooooooooooooooooo tired of there BS. I am a
babymamma but I don't tolerate drama but some women
have to deal with:
Babymamma Drama
No job
No brain
No affection
No direction
No religion
DL
Crazy Ex's
STD's
Allergic to commitment
Mamma's Boys
Poor performance in the bedroom
I think I am a king complex(but I have nothing to
stand on)
I could go on and on,no wonder women buy vibrators and
date outside there race or there become lesbeiens. I can say all this because I
am a sister. I love black men just not the BS. I have
dated outside my race and I can say I was treated
better, the only thing is there will never be the
connection we share.
Ok I am off my soapbox, but I know I am smart,very
attractive,loving ,hardworking along with all my
girlfriends and they all agree with everything I just
said.
Ok I am done now...hope you find someone.
On 4/22/08, Stephen wrote:
From the experiences you had from the black men, I think you, and other ladies who have unfortunately found themselves in the situation you have found yourself in, have a reason to be hiding. Now, I do not say this to brag, or to sound "elitist", but I think there is two breeds of black men; there are those of us who will do nothing better than just…use their wiles to get to you, and eventually leave you with the baby.
The other breed is of real/aspiring gentlemen, who think that family is the greatest thing that God can give them, who do not want to see their sons grow without fathers, without role models, without getting all the good things in life that two people, a father and a mother, who love each other to death, and who have no intention of getting divorced, because they can work things out for the sake of themselves and their kid(s), can achieve. I think I am firmly in the second group, and I like to think that I have goals in life; things I want to achieve, and they do not include not taking care of my kids. I think I have certain goals to achieve, and I am passionate about them. I want to believe that I am in the second category of the…two "breeds". But I am glad that you did leave, because if you did not see a future in the relationship, then sometimes getting out before the whole house is on fire is critical.
Now, regarding the things you talked about: I will tick my experiences/status against some of the things you did raise:
Babymamma Drama: None. Never married, no kids. I will have some, some day.
No job I currently have one. I work as a Community Support Specialist, for a Non-Profit.
No brain Would like to think I have one. Actually, I am fairly smartJ
No affection Hmmm…
No direction Girl, my next stop, is a PhD. You don't get a PhD if you intend to become a layabout
No religion Raised Christian; very spiritual; attend church occasionally
DL I am straight as a first century Roman Road.
Crazy Ex's None. If I did have any, they would be across the ocean, in Kenya.
STD's Clean as a whistle
Allergic to commitment Me? No. No way. That is what I am looking for.
Mamma's Boys Don't know if I can be described that way. She's 11k miles away anyhow
Poor performance in the bedroom - I am not sure about this. Don't have ratings…
I think I am a king complex(but I have nothing to stand on) = Really?
I respect, and appreciate everything you shared here today. I think we cannot all be dismissed, or made to pay the price of the mistakes of a few losers. Because I know that there are winners out here, and if you do actually stop to smell the roses, you will get the good scent. I know men have not always treated women as well as they should, especially "brothers", but again, I think race is a geographical divide. Sometimes I think the way African American men treat women is completely despicable. I am not going to use the fact that I am African to make a case for suggesting that I would treat women different, I just know I would. Because it is about honor. About dignity. About doing the right thing.
Now, please prove me wrong, by allowing yourself to meet someone who is different. Me. Would you accept the challenge? Not necessary to start a relationship, but I do think you would be a great person to know.
Have a great evening.
Steve.
On 4/22/08, Stephen wrote:
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for writing back! I just wanted to briefly acknowledge your email, and tell you that I appreciate very, very much:) your taking the time to write. You raise good points; right now I must run, but I will definitely be writing back to you later today. Have a wonderful day!
Steve.
We are all hiding from black men,lol. I think there
are some good guys out there BUT...they are far and
few between.
I thought I met a nice guy right on craigslist in
05,we just had a son in 07. He seemed nice until times
got rough and so I left him. Black women are craving a
man with some balls and the backbone to hold them up.
Most of the time brotha get the tight face because we
are sooooooooooooooooo tired of there BS. I am a
babymamma but I don't tolerate drama but some women
have to deal with:
Babymamma Drama
No job
No brain
No affection
No direction
No religion
DL
Crazy Ex's
STD's
Allergic to commitment
Mamma's Boys
Poor performance in the bedroom
I think I am a king complex(but I have nothing to
stand on)
I could go on and on,no wonder women buy vibrators and
date outside there race or there become lesbeiens. I can say all this because I
am a sister. I love black men just not the BS. I have
dated outside my race and I can say I was treated
better, the only thing is there will never be the
connection we share.
Ok I am off my soapbox, but I know I am smart,very
attractive,loving ,hardworking along with all my
girlfriends and they all agree with everything I just
said.
Ok I am done now...hope you find someone.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Turandot@Washington National Opera
Turandot is my all time favorite Opera. I pray I am able to go to this next year. I have been waiting for this to come back to DC for like 5 years. I HAVE TO SEE THIS,even If I have to take myself...which that would be utterly pathetic. My luck that is how it will turn out.
Turandot
Composed by Giacomo Puccini
Libretto by Giuseppe Adami and Renato Simoni
May 16, 19, 21, 24m, 27, 30, June 1, 4, 2009
Sung in Italian with English supertitles
The legendary beauty Princess Turandot poses three riddles to her potential suitors only to behead them with one wrong answer. She meets her match in Calaf, the mysterious prince who risks his head to win her heart. Puccini’s final opera, celebrated for its tapestry of soaring melodies and rich orchestration, features the beloved aria “Nessun dorma.”
Maria Guleghina (May 16, 19, 21, 24m, 27), Princess Turandot
Sylvie Valayre (May 30, Jun 1, 4), Princess Turandot
Darío Volonté* (May 16, 19, 21, 24m), Calaf
Franco Farina (May 27, 30, Jun 1, 4), Calaf
Sabina Cvilak (May 16, 19, 21, 24m), Liù
Maija Kovalevska* (May 27, 30, Jun 1, 4), Liù
Morris Robinson, Timur
Keri-Lynn Wilson*, Conductor
Andrei Serban*, Director
Production from Royal Opera House Covent Garden
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