Atlantic City

So I don't gamble but the hotel/resort is really nice. I went down to play the slots and could only bring myself to play 15 dollars. I never really got into the hype of the slots,plus my baby needs clothes. I would rather spend my money on that anyway I figure it more fun anyway. I can't sleep and I don't know how tomorrow is going to go. Jackson took forever to go to bed and folks wonder why I am always tired. He is a handful and with him trying to crawl and walk and pull everything down it's a mess. I had to tap his little legs today because he is getting to be a bit unruly. Nothing hard but enough for him to know who is boss. He is determined to have his way and it can't always be that way. Next thing you know he will be falling out in public and I can't have that. I have to be both stern and gentle,it's so much work but without any day to day help it can't be any other way. I have about 4 to 6 gray hairs that are present in the front of my head. I guess life and stress is rearing it's ugly head. I will take this time in AC to try and relax. The weather is crummy and cold which suck big time. I'll drive to NY tomorrow to look for clothes for my son and see if I can splurge 13 bucks on what I used to call toenails.

I can't wait to see Larry, it's been a minute since we have been able to see each other. I can't wait, I got to wear something fly,cause I know he will have something sweet to say. When I think about it,he always says something sweet and I could look bummy. I am glad I got away, I was really feeling low,still do but at least I am out of the house. I think I am going to distance my feelings from Everette again,even though he is far away I don't have it in me to trust. Darly (my 2nd Ex) wants to as he says "heal together". I can't get with him now because he is like my brother now. He wants to love me and protect me but I don't love him that way anymore. It hurts and feels good all at the same time to know someone wants to cherish me. My son is my focus, I am not meant to have the love I dreamed about. Some dreams never come true and I am beginning to accept that. I need to get away more often, my shoulders are so tight. I hope I will be able to go to Canaan Valley this summer,take the kids and really chill out. Ok AC I am going to try and catch some ZZZ's.