Hey Lover

I remember this song back in the day summertime. Everyone had there boyfriend or girlfriend bunned up. All I can say Is this song brings back some good memories. Almost wants to make you run out and find a boo,lol.

One Day

God I am seeking you, asking you to keep me and hold me, I feel like I am slipping away. If only I could be like the moon,maybe one day.

Soulmate

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own,if there's a soulmate for everyone...

Soulmate Video

Thumps and Bumps

Jackson is so curious,so much so he fell of the bed. He went right through the bars and all I saw was tiny feet going over. I called to him several times and each time he came back but the one time I was not looking he went for it and decided to bolt. I think he was more scared than he was hurt. He flip through the bars and landed on the carpet. He cried a bit and no sooner than I picked him up and loved on him,he was ready to go again.

After he daddy left tonight,he was playing on the ground and lost his balance. He has a little bump over his eye now like a little boxer. I tried to kiss it but he was too upset. He is fast asleep now and I am going to tie things up and retire myself. Got to get my camera and video fixed so I can capture all his moments.

Pain

I don't want to go to the doctor anymore. I don't want to hear what they have to say. I don't have the time and frankly I am burnt out. If I die I die, I am going to work on getting all my affairs in order. I have a toothache I have a headache I have a lifeache. YUCK Rhymes with F$&#.

Yippy Yuckity Yuck Poo Poo

So I went of my first cruise,well The Spirit Of Washington Cruise. I was so happy to be out for the first time in over a year. I had my first drink and got to dance and have a little fun. My mother was so nice to watch Jackson for me. It was a last minute thing and she came through for me like she always does. I hate to seem like there is always a negative but it was. Both of my friends were there with there husbands and it seemed like everyone was coupled up. I am always the third wheel nowadays. I know she was just being nice and trying to make me feel good by giving me kudos. She was like Jackie you are good, I was never a single mother and it's such hard work I don't know how you do it. I don't even know how to eat at a normal pace anymore,much less sleep. Ah the life as a single parent,my son is my joy so I take it one day at a time.

There were a couple of single guys there to dance with but hell I decided to dance by myself. I was so lonely, I keep asking God to hold me and take the loneliness away. I came home and took a long shower and cried myself to sleep. If it were not for Jackson I would have offed myself already. I hate living right now, I pray that I get past these dark feelings. I hate thinking bad thoughts and wishing I could disappear. Jackson stares at me with a concerned bewildered look when I cry. I hate crying in front of him but I get so down sometimes. Mother's day is going to suck ass so I plan on just shutting my son and myself away in my apartment. I will never get a first Mother's day back but I am sure it will suck anyway much like my life. I am sure my girlfriends will be with there husbands and boyfriends getting kind words,flowers,hugs and kisses...me nothing. It won't be what I dreamed about so it's just as well to hide in my room.

I wish I can ball myself up like paper and throw myself in the trash but for now I will just ball up in a closet and play with Jackson there. He's closet is big enough for the both of us. When I was little I used to hide in the closet because it made me feel safe. God help me live another day,give me strength,dry my tears,give me peace, I don't want to die. I hate that my son has to see his mommy so bad, it's like me all over again. I would watch my mother cry and I would be there looking at her helpless trying to find something good to say. I remember one morning I was on my way out to school and she was in the sitting at the table drinking rat poison. She was yelling at me,crying for me to leave and go to school. I begged to stay with her, I did not want her to leave me. She was and is all I have and I still am so scared of losing her. I have always felt so alone already and to lose her would be devastating.

Jackson is about to have his first tooth so I am counting down the days. He has a tiny little nub pushing through and he is using it. He is about to walk soon and I can't take it. He is growing up right before my eyes and It was just the other day he was a wee little thing. The best part of Jackson is he is so happy and well adjusted, I still feel like in many ways I have failed him for the future. All I can do is just love him and care for him the best way I possibly can. He does wonders when your feeling low,even Nicci says when she holds him and is around him she feels no pain.

So the night Jamar brought up my rape, I started to think about it and relive it. I thought about calling the hot line and seeking some help but the fear and pain of it all consumed me too much for me to dial. Ever since that day I think about that guy. I don't know what he looks like, I know he was black and had a scary voice. He stole my drivers licence and I remember being scared about leaving and coming home,thanks God I have moved. I meet Jamar later that year and did my best to push past it. I was thankful to be able to have Jamar hold me in the middle of the night because most of the time I was scared I just hid it very well. Sometimes when I spent the night at Jamar's he would come to bed later on and sometimes I would try to stay up because I was afraid. Even in his house my rapist would give me nightmares. When Jamar asked me why didn't I fight back? I felt like all the life was drained out of me when he asked that. I wish I could have but when someone overpowers you,you feel helpless and defenseless and angry after it's over. They rob you of the opportunity to say yes or no. They steal your body and you feel very violated and I wish it never happened.

I hate not having any money, I can't even buy my mother a Mother's Day gift. I plan on telling her thank you. She just wants me to be ok and I dare not tell her how I am really feeling. I don't know how she raised us day to day alone with no man in the house. I know I have a hard time so I can imaging what she went thouth. Kudos to single mother's. Jackson I sleeping now so I am going to try and get somethings done even thought it's almost 1 am.

Finally

DNA confirms IDs of czar's children, ending mystery By MIKE ECKEL, Associated Press Writer
Wed Apr 30, 7:20 PM ET



MOSCOW - For nine decades after Bolshevik executioners gunned down Czar Nicholas II and his family, there were no traces of the remains of Crown Prince Alexei, the hemophiliac heir to Russia's throne.

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Some said the delicate 13-year-old had somehow survived and escaped; others believed his bones were lost in Russia's vastness, buried in secret amid fear and chaos as the country lurched into civil war.

Now an official says DNA tests have solved the mystery by identifying bone shards found in a forest as those of Alexei and his sister, Grand Duchess Maria.

The remains of their parents — Nicholas II and Empress Alexandra — and three siblings, including the czar's youngest daughter, Anastasia, were unearthed in 1991 and reburied in the imperial resting place in St. Petersburg. The Russian Orthodox Church made all seven of them saints in 2000.

Despite the earlier discoveries and ceremonies, the absence of Alexei's and Maria's remains gnawed at descendants of the Romanov dynasty, history buffs and royalists. Even if Wednesday's announcement is confirmed and widely accepted, many descendants of the royal family are unlikely to be fully assuaged; they seek formal "rehabilitation" by the government.

"The tragedy of the czar's family will only end when the family is declared victims of political repression," said German Lukyanov, a lawyer for royal descendants.

Nicholas abdicated in 1917 as revolutionary fervor swept Russia, and he and his family were detained. They were shot by a firing squad on July 17, 1918, in the basement of the Yekaterinburg house where they were being held.

Rumors persisted that some of the family had survived and escaped. Claims by women to be Anastasia were particularly prominent, although there were also pretenders to Alexei's and Maria's identities.

"It was 99.9 percent clear they had all been killed; now with these shards, it's 100 percent," said Nadia Kizenko, a Russian scholar at the University at Albany, State University of New York. "Those who regret this news will be those who liked the royal pretender myth."

Alexei was one of the more compelling of the victims, drawing sympathy because of his hemophilia. His mother's terror of the disease and fear that he would not live to gain the throne were key to her falling under the thrall of the hypnotic and sexually ravenous self-declared holy man Rasputin, who exerted vast influence on the royal family.

Researchers unearthed the bone shards last summer in a forest near Yekaterinburg, where the royal family was killed, and enlisted Russian and U.S. laboratories to conduct DNA tests.

Eduard Rossel, governor of the region 900 miles east of Moscow, said tests done by a U.S. laboratory had identified the shards as those of Alexei and Maria.

"This has confirmed that indeed it is the children," he said. "We have now found the entire family."

"The main genetic laboratory in the United States has concluded its work with a full confirmation of our own laboratories' work," Rossel said.

He did not specify the laboratory, but a genetic research team working at the University of Massachusetts Medical School has been involved in the process. Evgeny Rogaev, who headed the team that tested the remains in Moscow and at the medical school in Worcester, Mass., was called into the case by the Russian Federation Prosecutor's Office.

He told The Associated Press on Wednesday that he delivered the results to Russian authorities, but said it was up to the prosecutor's office — not him or his team — to disclose the findings.

"The most difficult work is done and we have delivered to them our expert analysis, but we are still working," he said. "Scientifically, we want to make the most complete investigation possible."

The test results were based on analysis of mitochondrial DNA, the genetic material passed down only from mothers to children. That DNA is more stable than nuclear DNA — the material inherited from the father's side — especially when remains are badly damaged.

In this case, the bone fragments were so shattered and burned that Rogaev's team first had to determine whether enough uncontaminated genetic material still existed for testing.

The delicate work proved that, indeed, useful DNA could be extracted from a very small amount of the material — a critical fact, since they wanted to preserve as much of the bone fragments as possible out of respect for the victims.

The researchers also compared DNA from the remains with those of Empress Alexandra, who was a granddaughter of Britain's Queen Victoria and a distant relative of Prince Philip, the husband of Queen Elizabeth II.

With the mitochondrial analysis completed, the team is working on the nuclear DNA analysis and comparing the samples to paternal relatives of the czar's family.

That information, along with conclusions already delivered to the Russian prosecutors, eventually will be submitted to a professional journal for peer review and publication.

It was unclear if the Russian Orthodox Church will recognize them as genuine. The church's press service said no one could comment on Wednesday's announcement.

It was also unclear whether the descendents of the royal family would accept the identification. Lukyanov said neither he nor his clients had received confirmation.

Lukyanov's efforts to get the government to declare the royal family victims of political repression have been repeatedly rejected by Russian courts, which have said the family's killing was premeditated murder, not a political reprisal.

He said Russia had much to do to overcome its tortured past.

"They say that as long as the last soldier remains unburied, the war continues," Lukyanov told AP. "So long as the last victim of Bolshevik terror and the Communist regime remains unrehabilitiated, the repression will continue."