Torn

Part of me feels so good and the other part feels so bad. Actually I feel...heck I don't know how I feel. When I walked in I almost threw up in my mouth from all the country bumpkin decor. Yes it's exciting to do something, somewhere you are not supposed to. Would I want him to do that to me, no...but it's not me, it's her.

My mind has been racing over the past couple of days about how we even got here. It's crazy to me how we put up walls so strong and it's all torn down with a kiss and a touch. I feel powerless, and as much as I like to be in control...I don't want to control this. Granted it's familiar and he claims i'll always be his only love, but is this the right direction for my life? She and I are nothing a like and from his perspective she's the "Money Momma" I guess Sugar Momma is the proper term, because she finances everything, even the money he give me.

I really need to have God direct my path. Why did we have to make up, things were so much more less complicated when we hated each other. All the sneaking and creeping is starting to mess with my heart. I told myself it would strictly be physical and to never trust him with my heart again but...

He wants out with her and in with me...but I don't know if I want him back in. God forgive me for stepping back into that house...I think we made it a point to visit every room. Lunchtime was never this good. Because I speak through music here goes. Enjoy.