Talked to Everette last night, it was late. I really don't want to put myself out there only to be crushed again. I have finally gotten to a point where I am smiling again. I will not lie and pretend I am happy but I am trying to put forth more smiles than tears. My trust in men has been shattered by my son's father, Everette wants to restore it but he is human and it's possible for him to fail too.
Is there such a thing as true honest love out there. I never thought of myself as a complicated chick, I just appreciate someone who needs and craves commitment, consistency and stability in there life. I look at my son and I am trying to keep that going for his sake. I will never change my position on 2 parent homes. I think you make the sacrifice for yourself and the ones you care about. I learned long ago there is nothing out in the world for me. I am trying so hard to live in the spiritual world but I won't lie the devil is busy.
The devil loves when I lose my cool, he loves when I question my celibacy. Is Everette the one? He has expressed over and over again how much he always wanted us to be a family and Jackson should be his son. I know because he loves me, he loves my son but I am so afraid to take the chance. In a way him being in Texas is good, no temptation to do wrong. I am really going to have to pray for guidance and protection when he comes up to visit. I am so excited I am bursting at the seams, I can't wait to see him again. I broke his heart and I know leaving him for Jamar has done damage. I love him but not like I loved Jamar.
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