I ended up in tears, in his arms. I could not bring myself to make love to him. He tried, gave it a good effort,but I just could not do it. I don't remember how many times I said I was sorry. My heart ,body and spirituality was not up for it, I told him I just wanted to live right.
I am no prude by far, and though I fantasize about "it" I just can't do it. He just kept saying "baby what's wrong, what's wrong, talk to me." I explained that I want to be married one day, and I live my life the way I believe God would want, and anything that is not like him is a disappointment. I want to wake up and see love EVERY morning and not feel bad. #Celibate and Proud
Going to reflect on E and last night, I told him I didn't want to waste his time. He just held me, and wiped my tears until I fell asleep. I woke up to him kissing me and he went home, he is still so sweet and gentle with me, I know he cares about me ,but my salvation is more important.
I just kept asking God to keep me, said it over and over as I laid in his arms falling asleep. Things will get better eventually, I have to believe that.
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I love your blog, thank you for your honest feelings. I think your ex still loves you and wants to be with you. You seem like such a giving soul, and you are hella beautiful. Woman to woman, you keep saying he didn't want you, but I think he does and always will.
I really hope he just say Marry me and you say yes. I looked back at some of the old post and you two are beautiful together. I also saw your child, you guys need to make more babies, all you two need is some therapy and a church home and God will do the rest. I am praying for a union.
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