Funny how the mind, heart and body work together...Thank God I am in tune with God and myself.
Wishing, wanting to be held. Wanting to do things I have denied myself...all in the struggle to "do right". Missing the kiss, lick, touch, suck,feel of a man. I want to get on top,bend over, lie on my back and take it all in...but I am trying to do right. #Celibacy
I want my top undone and my body pleased...but trying to do right.
I know that though I allowed a little kiss, I am not really open to the idea of Ev. He is familiar, but not what I need or want...don't want to use him. I rid myself of all the good men I was cool with when I went all in with the Ex. I never imagined being with anyone besides the father of my child. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE feels foreign. It just never sat right in my spirit to not be with him, but life and the choices we make place us in different spaces. I could not imagine my child feeling and dealing with the reality that his mother did not want to stay with their father. I am worth so much more, I am valued and worthy of honest,put the work into it love. I understand that I was not treated the way I was supposed to be, so each day I remind myself of that, and everyday it gets easier in my choice to walk away. He never really showed nor expressed a huge enthusiasm for me and why would you want to be with someone who thought of you as just something/someone to do until the next thing caught his eye.I am a prize, PERIOD, POINT BLANK.
I am human, I miss making love, I miss having a relationship,and I want to start over. I do believe in starting over, and giving it a shot...as long as you are willing to do the work. I am willing to do the work. Body is screaming right now...so is my heart. .
Really want to rebel in so many ways....having a tough day. Father rock me.
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Sounds like he is a major Jackass. Some men will never be able to recognize a real woman. You all give us way more than we deserve, and we end up with dumbass b$#%^s. Speaking from experience, I wish I had married my children's mother. I acted a fool and broke her heart now she's gone. I am impressed, you wanting to not give in. It's not an easy thing to do, but you seem like you want things to be right and not meaningless. For me, I was always looking for new p&%$y and f'ed up things with my children's mother. I did everything but be there for her,chasing some ass. I am a better man for the lessons I learned but I hurts my heart now to know I could have really stuck by her side. She died 2 yrs ago to breast cancer and my kids are all over the place. When I saw your blog and saw you posted about lumps, then I read the rest of your stuff and see you are just doing the best you can i thought about my ex. The sperm donor needs his ass kicked, you a beautiful sister. To me
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