Yesterday I...

So Everette and I have talked and things are 100% clear like they always have been. One thing I love about him is he never plays any games and he is very considerate. So I was ready to just say forget it and keep him at a distance like I have been for the past 8 years but I decided to just go with it. He's a very loving individual who has always been in my corner, I am happy to say we are friends. We talked today and like usual it's easy, I missed being able to just call and say hi to someone or they call me.

It feels good to know that when you call, the person on the other end is happy to hear from you and you don't get a " What's up". I always felt like that was so ...ummm buddyish? Vacant and without feeling at least from a guy. I can only say I have only been lucky to have that happen to me with one man and let's just say I don't have to hear that anymore. Even though we are miles away I still get " Hey beautiful and I love you". I don't know if it can get better than that but it feels real good.

I ran into this dude the other night and he has been trying to go on a date with me since I was 7 month pregnant(YUCK). I mean I guess I should have felt good but I was still very much in love with Jamar despite us not being together. There was no way I wanted any parts of any guy. Anywho he's cool folks and he really takes care of my nephew so we have a good social association with each other. He called yesterday afternoon and the conversation was cool. He said "Jackie you look really good and very happy". I told him about the postpartum and the depression that followed, he said he noticed. I told him I know that it is something that follows me but I am doing better and I feel like I am back to my old self again. He earned several cool points with me when he said " I will call from time to time to see how you are feeling emotionally".

Though I am not on any medication which I don't feel like I have to be, I understand why I am the way I am. My good friend Alyce said she tells Walter " When we don't hear from Jackie or see her she is probably going through, when she's good she will call". I love her for knowing me and understand me and all my flaws. I remember not wanting her to be mad with me for getting pregnant, she's like my big sis. She told me "friends love you unconditionally" and I was able to shed the shame I was feeling about the whole thing. Here I was single, scared, pregnant, stressed to no end and the biggest thing was I am not married and I have let people down. She show me love beyond measure and I am so thankful I did do her make up that fateful night backstage.

I went to the thrift store with my girlfriends the other day and got Jackson some cool stuff, plus Nicci and I hit up Wal-Mart for some clean products. Sorry folks I don't lead that much of an exciting life anymore. The highlight of my day is when " Between The Lions, and Sesame Street" come on.

So I am still up, tummy aching...Who is gonna take care of me? ME!!! I got to do what I got to do. My foot is killin me too, I may have to see a doctor about it because it does not feel good at all. I will clean when I get up and get Jackson ready for the weekend. I think we will go for a walk just before his dad come so he can get some fresh air. It's cold but he does not care as long as he can run and play. Ain't life grand where your that wee.