For Every Mountain

So like my celibacy I asked God to stay my tongue. Most times when your flesh is weak it is hard to submit to the will of God. I asked that he keep me and when he sees fit, he will restore all things. I love that my President's slogan is "Change" or at least one of his slogans. I realized I had been praying for change for sometime now. There was a realization that there was no follow through on my behalf, my light bulb moment was still yet to come. Stripping down and allowing myself to be broken and I mean true brokenness has not been easy. It would mean that I would fully have to rely on God to cover me.

There was a heated discussion Jamar and I had I recall being stressed out. I had been notified by the landlord that he did not receive 2 months worth of rent. I know that I bought the money orders and mailed them, why he failed to mention it is beyond me. The refrigerator was down and he had yet to pay the gas bill. The lights were cutting on and off and I was tired. Why should Jamar or anyone for that matter care about my stress, so for that I asked God to just break me down. I realized I am completely on my own raising my son because his father and I are in 2 different books. When I began to surrender the blessing started to come in. My phone bill got paid, the lights stayed on,the gas has not been cut off, God was and is slowly Healing the bruises left on my heart and he is wiping each tear away.

I recall in that same conversation wanting to say what was really on my heart but true to form Jamar reminded me to not do that. I am glad I took his advice because he could use it against me at a later time. Not everyone will care about your hardship and not everyone will build you up, sometimes they look at that as their golden opportunity to step on you. So I breath a big sigh of relief on that,and turn it over to God. I pray that I continue to be obedient. I thought about how grateful I am that with all my blessing I was able to take part in some of the Inaugural events. I am excited about the possibilities and the efforts that have paved the way so that I can be where I am. Tiffany, I know you are smiling down!!! I miss you, and I don't care if folks think I am crazy because I still talk out loud to you. I love you and miss you everyday. You are present everyday and I still can't believe that you are dead. There I said it dead...never did I ever think you would leave this world the way you did. Feeling sick now