Saturday, February 07, 2009

Weak Willed

Lord I have been ready to work for some time now. Please send me something soon, what I thought I was promised feel through. I am trying to keep my head up, I have not and will not cry about it, that time is over. Please restore my health, give me a hug. I know that you love me and I am feeling a little under the weather, physically, emotionally. This week has been a struggle. I feel like just saying forget all the prayers and hard work and doing whatever I want.

God help my I feel like my salvation is on the line. I keep thinking about sex, thinking of what it would feel like again. I feel bad for fooling around the other day. I was so self conscience of my midsection that I would not allow his hands to roam free. Even though we were just kissing and touching, he did not know me. He does not know my heart and I do not know his. I miss being held at night. I am lonely, not alone but lonely. Sometimes the weight of everything is on my shoulders and I miss someone there to just say " I love you and everything is going to be ok". I miss being reached for in the middle of the night. I miss curling up and holding someone, laughing in the morning. I just wonder when the release is going to come. I need God to hide me, I am feeling so weak and fragile. I have faith that God will refresh and restore, I am holding on, please save me.

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