You and I.

Bad night last night all due to fear, hurt ,and poor communication. It spilled over into this morning with me making the first move. I usually run, shut down and shut out those that I love who have hurt me; but I'm growing and my relationships are EVERYTHING to me. 

I've learned that shutting down is my way of protecting myself when I'm hurt, not realizing that me backing away, hurts the other person too. I rob them of the opportunity to connect with me. I come across as scary ,when in actuality I'm afraid of being hurt again ,so I put my guard up. I put up a hard shell of armor and swear off all those who try to cross my path again. All I ever want is to feel loved,protected and cherished. Thank God I've grown and I'm continually working on deliverance. I thank God that I expressed myself today. I was still somewhat defensive when I expressed myself, just knowing I'd recieve a cold and emotionless response but instead you responded with the purest form of unconditional love. I knew then that you really loved me. You in turn poured out your heart right back. My God! Love has to work both ways. 

We both hurt each other ,and we hurt knowing we didn't take care of each other's feelings which shows selflessness . We talked it out and sincerely apologized to each other. The tears that we both shed washed away the bruises from our past that others had left. I remember pouring out my heart and sincerely apologizing to someone years ago and all they were concerned about was not being respected. Today I've learned that in order for one to respect you ,you have to genuinely respect the other's heart as well and willingly be able to put your heart out there too. I understand now that, that individual's reaction to me was feigned emotion. 

Today's love lesson brought us closer to each other and tightened our bond. I'm getting used to this healthy , unconditional type of love and communication ,and I look forward to us continuing to growing together. What's the point of being in a relationship if only one is participating? It's a selfish tactic usually out of fear. How you live in that fear and hurt sets the tone for how you love and move about in the world. Today was an eye opener. There was a flood of tears and openess which is a testimony to how much we truly love each other. I thank you for loving me flaws and all.