Thursday, July 19, 2012
It Can Happen
In life bad, unfortunate, sad, unavoidable things happen. Some people never recover and get lost in the shuffle of life. Then there are the people who bounce back, better than before. Pessimist , naysayers, and people who believe they are the end all be all find it hard to believe that people who bounce back, couldn't, can't and don't. They convince themselves of this because it helps them sleep at night ,and it makes them feel better about themselves. They have to keep telling themselves you are nothing, nobody, sad, hurt and festering because it's the only way to justify their mess, when the reality of it, your life and the blessings are pouring in so...that your hands and heart is full. It doesn't matter if they have to lie to themselves, they need it, and they will replay it to themselves and regurgitate it to others because they believe it can't happen. It can happen! I am always in awe of the resilience found when you decide to pick up the piece of your life, trust God and live well. He is a keeper. People like this, know, no inner peace...that's what they go on smear campaigns, they are the equivalent to dirty politicians. Always wanting to present an innocent, trustworthy appearance...all the while they are having affairs and fathering children outside their marriage, stealing money, paying folks off to disparage and take down their perceived (in their mind) opponent. Some people will believe they hold your happiness in their hands. You make your own happiness by trust GOD!
So don't fall for the smoke and mirrors folks. There is only so much foolishness one can take. It's funny how the moment you light their asses up, they lay down like an innocent lamb....PLEASE NO ONE IS BUYING IT! Their hands are still dirty to this day. It's not until they are in jeopardy of losing their teeth and having their wig snapped back and their dirty laundry aired that the song and dance changes. They will try and convince folks you are mad, hurt, sad and upset , when the truth of the matter is they know nothing about you or your life.They will push and push and push you, because they want you to snap. They want you to lose your cool so they can point the finger and say "see".They want you to fulfill all those stereotypes we have come to know and not like. They will be quick to tell people "See the babymomma this or the babydaddy was acting like...
Move along folks, no show to see here...I am way to classy, beautiful and dignified to give you that. But there are people who like a show, and while I am a showgirl...I won't allow anyone who is desperate to make me degrade myself.
It's always amazing to me when people project their mess onto you. They want you to assimilate and "get with their program" because it's what they want. It does not interest me, and I actually find it very selfish when people do that. I know what I have is invaluable and folks would do anything to get it...and they just very well may make into forth place....but they will never have my spot, EVER. When you play dirty and try to win unfairly, when caught you get disqualified.
So to all my people in the struggle and caught up in the fray...IT CAN HAPPEN. People will portray you as a quitter, sad, a loser, unhappy,...but you know who you are and most importantly God knows who you are. Tell those unfortunate souls to hold hands.........huddle close......then jump off a bridge LMBO!
*It is my personal opinion that the use of the word Babymomma or Babydaddy is one of the most degrading, stereotypical, idiotic things people can use as part of their vocabulary. It is also my opinion that if you have ever used it to reference someone in a disparaging way you are not only disrespectful but part of the cancer of this society.
So don't fall for the smoke and mirrors folks. There is only so much foolishness one can take. It's funny how the moment you light their asses up, they lay down like an innocent lamb....PLEASE NO ONE IS BUYING IT! Their hands are still dirty to this day. It's not until they are in jeopardy of losing their teeth and having their wig snapped back and their dirty laundry aired that the song and dance changes. They will try and convince folks you are mad, hurt, sad and upset , when the truth of the matter is they know nothing about you or your life.They will push and push and push you, because they want you to snap. They want you to lose your cool so they can point the finger and say "see".They want you to fulfill all those stereotypes we have come to know and not like. They will be quick to tell people "See the babymomma this or the babydaddy was acting like...
Move along folks, no show to see here...I am way to classy, beautiful and dignified to give you that. But there are people who like a show, and while I am a showgirl...I won't allow anyone who is desperate to make me degrade myself.
It's always amazing to me when people project their mess onto you. They want you to assimilate and "get with their program" because it's what they want. It does not interest me, and I actually find it very selfish when people do that. I know what I have is invaluable and folks would do anything to get it...and they just very well may make into forth place....but they will never have my spot, EVER. When you play dirty and try to win unfairly, when caught you get disqualified.
So to all my people in the struggle and caught up in the fray...IT CAN HAPPEN. People will portray you as a quitter, sad, a loser, unhappy,...but you know who you are and most importantly God knows who you are. Tell those unfortunate souls to hold hands.........huddle close......then jump off a bridge LMBO!
*It is my personal opinion that the use of the word Babymomma or Babydaddy is one of the most degrading, stereotypical, idiotic things people can use as part of their vocabulary. It is also my opinion that if you have ever used it to reference someone in a disparaging way you are not only disrespectful but part of the cancer of this society.
You Might Be A Little Desperate If...
Ladies, If you have to sneak into your man's phone...you might be a little desperate. If you felt the backwards need to then call his Ex and lie, be rude, spiteful and malicious, you might be a little desperate. STOP CALLING YOUR BOYFRIEND'S EXGIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Am I The New Mrs.? Part 2
The Decisions We Make
Inspired by parts of Eat, Pray,Love
"The only thing harder than staying, was leaving." Eat, Pray, Love
"I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I did."
I made the decision when I was four months pregnant to end the relationship with my child's father. It had to be one of the hardest and scariest decisions I have ever made in my life...but in the end I had to choose myself. Trust me I heard every judgment out the wazoo, " stay, how could you?, force yourself" Well I would like to think that when you are with someone you paddle upstream together and coast and float when the water is calm together. At that time, none of that was happening and I was done being accepting of complacency. There was a growing life in me and I had no time to just sit on my tail and spin. I have to make clear decisions that would and could lead to a better tomorrow. I was taking a chance, but I did not have the liberty of having a partner who was that helpful at the time. It was time to grow up and not just take part, when I knew I deserved all. I was scared, I was a babe in relationship maturity, but I had the sense to know God had more for me. I had sense enough to know I had worth. I had to remember my self worth, where my help came from, where my beauty rest. I could no longer willingly and openly fornicate and sit in church...my soul was growing increasingly irritated by it. I could not say I stand for my father and then lie on my back for me. Now of course I know I am not perfect and have not always done things that were pleasing to him...but when you know better then you do better...and you try, try again...but if you're living it daily and you are conscience of it, you can't justify your mess to anyone.
I left and I never looked back...not even once. No suggestions, no hints, signs of wanting to backtrack, just forward. Too afraid to look back for fear I might turn to salt...I kept running forward. Was it the best, right, or rational decision at the time...I am not sure? Some asked why I didn't go back, try to make it work...at the time I just didn't want to so I kept it moving. My goal was to become that of a phantom. Only one you saw was my child, no calls,emails,cards, or visits from me...just my child. He was and is the only one that mattered. I didn't want anyone assuming or trying to influence any reunions...my life was and is floating in a sea of peace...no need to rock my boat. What I am sure of is that God kept me. He provided EVERYTHING my child and I needed. When things happened that seemed tough or confusing, I never questioned God because my faith rested in him. Now I am not telling women to do what I did, but know your worth and uphold it, especially when others don't. Love yourself, love on yourself and push yourself to do it mostly when you don't feel like it.
Having left that relationship at the state that was in or going into was not conducive to my lifestyle, my health and the health of my then unborn child. I would hold and caresses my belly and have long drawn out conversations with God, asking him to guide me. I would say "Ok Lord, I made the break, now where?' Before you know it I found strength not just in myself but in numbers. I knew I was not alone and I never would be. Doors were and still open for me and I am so humble and grateful. I started writing music again, accepting gigs, shows, consulting opportunities, and events to coordinate. I was being used and still am by God...all because I decided to be obedient.
It was scary because I didn't know how to raise a child on my own. I had raised my sisters, but never my own child. Along the way, I learned I was capable of doing more than I gave myself credit for. If God sees it in me, then I needed to see it in myself. He is who I draw my strength and my help comes from. Stand by your decision and if it all goes to pot, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. I am thankful. I made a decision, stood by it scared and all and asked God to lead the way. So many blessings and self discovery came about, just out of me taking a leap of faith. Again, I am not saying leave your partners and raise your children on your own because that may not work for you. Both people are responsible for how a relationship goes, be sure you do all you were supposed to do to contribute to it's success, if you don't there is no one to blame but the two involved. I will say this, love yourself the way you want to be loved, don't wait for someone to do it for you.
I decided to choose my God, my child and myself and stand firm on that, no regrets.
"The only thing harder than staying, was leaving." Eat, Pray, Love
"I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I did."
I made the decision when I was four months pregnant to end the relationship with my child's father. It had to be one of the hardest and scariest decisions I have ever made in my life...but in the end I had to choose myself. Trust me I heard every judgment out the wazoo, " stay, how could you?, force yourself" Well I would like to think that when you are with someone you paddle upstream together and coast and float when the water is calm together. At that time, none of that was happening and I was done being accepting of complacency. There was a growing life in me and I had no time to just sit on my tail and spin. I have to make clear decisions that would and could lead to a better tomorrow. I was taking a chance, but I did not have the liberty of having a partner who was that helpful at the time. It was time to grow up and not just take part, when I knew I deserved all. I was scared, I was a babe in relationship maturity, but I had the sense to know God had more for me. I had sense enough to know I had worth. I had to remember my self worth, where my help came from, where my beauty rest. I could no longer willingly and openly fornicate and sit in church...my soul was growing increasingly irritated by it. I could not say I stand for my father and then lie on my back for me. Now of course I know I am not perfect and have not always done things that were pleasing to him...but when you know better then you do better...and you try, try again...but if you're living it daily and you are conscience of it, you can't justify your mess to anyone.
I left and I never looked back...not even once. No suggestions, no hints, signs of wanting to backtrack, just forward. Too afraid to look back for fear I might turn to salt...I kept running forward. Was it the best, right, or rational decision at the time...I am not sure? Some asked why I didn't go back, try to make it work...at the time I just didn't want to so I kept it moving. My goal was to become that of a phantom. Only one you saw was my child, no calls,emails,cards, or visits from me...just my child. He was and is the only one that mattered. I didn't want anyone assuming or trying to influence any reunions...my life was and is floating in a sea of peace...no need to rock my boat. What I am sure of is that God kept me. He provided EVERYTHING my child and I needed. When things happened that seemed tough or confusing, I never questioned God because my faith rested in him. Now I am not telling women to do what I did, but know your worth and uphold it, especially when others don't. Love yourself, love on yourself and push yourself to do it mostly when you don't feel like it.
Having left that relationship at the state that was in or going into was not conducive to my lifestyle, my health and the health of my then unborn child. I would hold and caresses my belly and have long drawn out conversations with God, asking him to guide me. I would say "Ok Lord, I made the break, now where?' Before you know it I found strength not just in myself but in numbers. I knew I was not alone and I never would be. Doors were and still open for me and I am so humble and grateful. I started writing music again, accepting gigs, shows, consulting opportunities, and events to coordinate. I was being used and still am by God...all because I decided to be obedient.
It was scary because I didn't know how to raise a child on my own. I had raised my sisters, but never my own child. Along the way, I learned I was capable of doing more than I gave myself credit for. If God sees it in me, then I needed to see it in myself. He is who I draw my strength and my help comes from. Stand by your decision and if it all goes to pot, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. I am thankful. I made a decision, stood by it scared and all and asked God to lead the way. So many blessings and self discovery came about, just out of me taking a leap of faith. Again, I am not saying leave your partners and raise your children on your own because that may not work for you. Both people are responsible for how a relationship goes, be sure you do all you were supposed to do to contribute to it's success, if you don't there is no one to blame but the two involved. I will say this, love yourself the way you want to be loved, don't wait for someone to do it for you.
I decided to choose my God, my child and myself and stand firm on that, no regrets.
Good Ole Fashioned Foolishness and Fuckery
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fuckery
There are certain people in this world who like to call others crazy, simply because they have nothing worth while to say. They try to fool people with fuckery, smoke and mirrors to divert attention away from themselves all while trying to dismiss, degrade and slander you....all based on lies. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
It usually starts when they are fed lies and just plain ole incorrect information. Then they take it out into the world and spread it like a vile piece of cancer. I like to call people like this imbeciles and blind followers. They are usually faithful servants to their host because they lack any clear self esteem and basic common sense.
They don't know to follow their first mind, and even if they know the correct path...they are so far in, they will continue to spew, defend and perpetuate fuckery....all because they know they look and sound like a fool but they are so far out with a paddle or raft on DENIAL, they can't turn back.
Now some of you may say that I should not refer these types of people as idiots, jerks, imbeciles, assholes or what have you...but the fact of the matter is it's part of our English vocabulary and people who's actions and character should be addressed as such. You may not think it's polite but it's the ugly truth, their innards are rotten. Just because you say you love God, Buddha, Allah, have an education, seem to do well for yourself does not mean you don't have it in you to be and act a fool. We overlook these people because we want to believe there is hope, and or their seemingly sweet friend, wife, husband uncle is not a lunatic with psychotic tendencies.
Just say no to fuckery and get these people into an intervention.
There are certain people in this world who like to call others crazy, simply because they have nothing worth while to say. They try to fool people with fuckery, smoke and mirrors to divert attention away from themselves all while trying to dismiss, degrade and slander you....all based on lies. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
It usually starts when they are fed lies and just plain ole incorrect information. Then they take it out into the world and spread it like a vile piece of cancer. I like to call people like this imbeciles and blind followers. They are usually faithful servants to their host because they lack any clear self esteem and basic common sense.
They don't know to follow their first mind, and even if they know the correct path...they are so far in, they will continue to spew, defend and perpetuate fuckery....all because they know they look and sound like a fool but they are so far out with a paddle or raft on DENIAL, they can't turn back.
Now some of you may say that I should not refer these types of people as idiots, jerks, imbeciles, assholes or what have you...but the fact of the matter is it's part of our English vocabulary and people who's actions and character should be addressed as such. You may not think it's polite but it's the ugly truth, their innards are rotten. Just because you say you love God, Buddha, Allah, have an education, seem to do well for yourself does not mean you don't have it in you to be and act a fool. We overlook these people because we want to believe there is hope, and or their seemingly sweet friend, wife, husband uncle is not a lunatic with psychotic tendencies.
Just say no to fuckery and get these people into an intervention.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Cheers To You
How I Hate Hospital Visits
Spent the better part of my day at Children's Hospital...all I can say is I am drained and glad to be home. I am just glad there was no talk of an over night stay and the damage was not that bad.
Common Sense
Common sense ain't that common these days I see. Folks, don't be so desperate to keep a person who will lie, cheat and steal from you. Sometimes you can be so caught up with someone for whatever reason that we will eat whatever they feeds us. Turning a blind eye will only hurt you in the long run. I could be wrong, but I know I am not. Truth be told, some people want to be dumb and pretend they don't know what's going on....or they are so busy trying to keep up with the Jones's because they want to save face. Step your self esteem up folk.
Am I The New Mrs?
As the calls kept coming in and I kept avoiding, all I could think was...am I the new Mrs.? How did I get chosen? Why do I kinda not not want the title, but I know I fulfill the position. I don't think I'll ever be prepared, and I don't know the rules...I am just winging it and hoping all parties are taken care of. Sometimes it's way to much and other times it's amazing, when it's all said and done I consider it an honor.
Monday, July 16, 2012
All To Snag A Man
Anytime you have to lie to a man about being pregnant when you're really not is REALLY desperate. Where is your self dignity and self worth. Ladies KNOW YOUR WORTH!
Glitter!!!
Goot Night
Upstairs neighbors are THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No reguard.
Every time I say I am going to bed, the noise starts. Just knocked on the door after months of loud bangs and elephant feet. The music is blasting and a little baby girl is hiding behind the guy that answered the door. Why is this baby up???? Why is your music blasting at this hour??? Again why is the baby up??? Good thing we are moving, just a little while longer.
Every time I say I am going to bed, the noise starts. Just knocked on the door after months of loud bangs and elephant feet. The music is blasting and a little baby girl is hiding behind the guy that answered the door. Why is this baby up???? Why is your music blasting at this hour??? Again why is the baby up??? Good thing we are moving, just a little while longer.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Doin Reseach
Gun laws, Area scouting, Target practice, Chords, Triads and such, until we meet again. Long day today, actually long weekend...about to watch the back of my eyeballs.
New Week
Looking forward to this week. What seemed like a difficult situation with someone actually turned around. Unfortunately they redirected their nastiness to my associate. I could see, feel and hear the frustration in them. I overcame it, tried to give advice but nothing seems to be working out for them on that end. I pray they find a way to resolve the issue, I can see it's wearing now. I would hate for such an amazing opportunity to overshadowed by something so trivial.
The testimonies given today still have me wanting to shout!!! God is a healer!!!! You never know what your brother or sister is going through, so I am thankful that they shared and brought awareness. Life will and can take you for a loop, but faith, love and trust of the Father will see you through. Bind that foolishness up, take the Devil and his Demons out with the TRASH, cause that's what is is TRASH!
The testimonies given today still have me wanting to shout!!! God is a healer!!!! You never know what your brother or sister is going through, so I am thankful that they shared and brought awareness. Life will and can take you for a loop, but faith, love and trust of the Father will see you through. Bind that foolishness up, take the Devil and his Demons out with the TRASH, cause that's what is is TRASH!
The Stringless Puppet Master
I am a FIRM believer that you should NEVER preach against what you are guilty of doing, at least not without saying "I know I'm guilty of it too. How are we sold out for the Father and we slay our brothers and sisters? How can you willingly and readily cause pain and suffering to another and say "My hands are clean?" No they are not, they are filthy with blood, dirt, envy, hate, jealously, ratchetness, trash. You can try to spin the word of God like a Svengali, but true worshipers who sound the battle cry know and are hip to your game. You will NEVER EVER HAVE WHAT I HAVE, GET OVER IT.
Svengali:
The word "svengali" has come to refer to a person who, with evil intent, controls another person by persuasion or deceit. The Svengali may feign kindness and use manipulation to get the other person to yield his or her autonomy. Svengali "would either fawn or bully and could be grossly impertinent. He had a kind of cynical humour that was more offensive than amusing and always laughed at the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. And his laughter was always derisive and full of malice".
Svengali:
The word "svengali" has come to refer to a person who, with evil intent, controls another person by persuasion or deceit. The Svengali may feign kindness and use manipulation to get the other person to yield his or her autonomy. Svengali "would either fawn or bully and could be grossly impertinent. He had a kind of cynical humour that was more offensive than amusing and always laughed at the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. And his laughter was always derisive and full of malice".
Praise Break
So testimony was given today and the shouting music started. There we were my baby and I dancing in the pews together.....and then the Holy Ghost took over and I got to stomping and shouting. The whole time my heart was screaming out and it said:
I bind you up demon and leave you to your own devices! Your life is meaningless demon and I put a little extra in my praise break for you today. You hate me because you envy what I have, and who I am.....now git you vile piece of nothingness. You can't justify your mess no matter how much you wrap it up in what seems like the word of God. Nothing you spat out is of my Father, you think you're fooling someone, you ain't you fraud. Trust me, it will crumble, implode and self-destruct right before your audience and your very eyes....good luck with that. #Covetousness
I bind you up demon and leave you to your own devices! Your life is meaningless demon and I put a little extra in my praise break for you today. You hate me because you envy what I have, and who I am.....now git you vile piece of nothingness. You can't justify your mess no matter how much you wrap it up in what seems like the word of God. Nothing you spat out is of my Father, you think you're fooling someone, you ain't you fraud. Trust me, it will crumble, implode and self-destruct right before your audience and your very eyes....good luck with that. #Covetousness
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Gettin My Hustle On
Off to my little side hustle, thank God I can take my little King with me. God knows this single income I am bringing in is tough but my God is a provider...going to treat him to something nice later for being such a trooper. He is in for a special surprise, I can't wait! Thank you God for seeing fit to be able to provide when others don't, Hallelujah!!!!! My rent and bills will be caught up, God grant me an increase in finances, strength to make life for this child and I better. I stand on your promises.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Friday Night Fun
I have been looking forward to spending some fun time with my baby, this week was brutal, physically, mentally, emotionally....I was tired, but he asked and Momma delivered.
Trying to impress my four year old with my art skills. Luckily he thinks I'm a Princess and my coloring is in his words "vewie good". My Friday night in a nutshell.
ITrying to impress my four year old with my art skills. Luckily he thinks I'm a Princess and my coloring is in his words "vewie good". My Friday night in a nutshell.
Look Ma, No Hands!!!
Spent 2 hours meeting and mediating. Gaining more confidence in my management skills. I am growing and I am so excited! I look at where I was 3 years ago with this agency and I am so thankful my boss saw fit to promote me, to believe in me, to push me, to challenge me. Hallelujah!
HR finally got my coins right, I can get my lil one's hair cut and hang tough with him all weekend....so relieved and thankful.
#CapableAndConfident
HR finally got my coins right, I can get my lil one's hair cut and hang tough with him all weekend....so relieved and thankful.
#CapableAndConfident
Advocate And Be Aware
Touching on two issues that I continue to advocate for. I remember my days of hotline and hospital advocacy...thinking about going back.There is a large majority of people who like to make light of this issue....well no one is laughing. This is VERY real and should in no way be joked about, dismissed or be used against anyone to make themselves feel bigger or better.
If and when you do that, you only allow others to see and feel how inhumane you are. Be Aware!
#ForEverAnAdvocate!!!
So my homegirl Maz posted this, love her fighting spirit!!
This was also happening yesterday, which was a big impetus for my "haha rape" post.
Blog post about sexual assault in D.C. unleashes torrent of women’s stories
www.washingtonpost.comWhen Liz Gorman was violated in Dupont Circle in the middle of the day, her recount of the incident went viral.
Thankful
So today I allowed my flesh to be in control. I never made it to church tonight so fast...goodness Well seeing that I was out on Sunday and too physically exhausted on Tuesday, I missed the memo tonight about no prayer tonight UGH!. As I sat in the car, with lil one fast asleep in the back I just started to cry. I began to thank God for just waking me up, for seeing us to church safely on a balled out tire, for my health...I just started thanking him for everything that came to mind.
I thought about how much I love my job, but hate the fact that my pay was misdirected for now. Or that once the little one realized there was no church he asks " Can we go eat now?"...the tears rolling down my face as I was driving because I know my account is in the negative. Thank God for food at home...but knowing at that very moment I could not buy him anything hurt. I have faith, I stand on his promises for my life, my child's life. I know God has got our back 100%!!!
I don't want this to get in the way of any progress that has been made....but I have to wonder...Was it all for not? All I can do it take it to God and trust that he will work things out. When people are supposed to be responsible, yet allow it to all fall on you makes me question. I feel sorry that they feel pressured to "keep up" all for the sake of keeping that peace. Either way, I am a survivor, either way I have complete faith because my God is a keeper.
When I told my lil one we were going to church, he asked "Momma can you not cry, can you not be sad ?" I told him not all Momma's tears are that of sadness, I have a lot to be thankful for, so those are tears of joy. So the lil one says....."Oh I thought it was because the instruments were too loud.<------insert blank stare here and proceeds to do all the silly things to make me laugh. Thank you God for sending this child of mine, he is the BEST #Kids
I thought about how much I love my job, but hate the fact that my pay was misdirected for now. Or that once the little one realized there was no church he asks " Can we go eat now?"...the tears rolling down my face as I was driving because I know my account is in the negative. Thank God for food at home...but knowing at that very moment I could not buy him anything hurt. I have faith, I stand on his promises for my life, my child's life. I know God has got our back 100%!!!
I don't want this to get in the way of any progress that has been made....but I have to wonder...Was it all for not? All I can do it take it to God and trust that he will work things out. When people are supposed to be responsible, yet allow it to all fall on you makes me question. I feel sorry that they feel pressured to "keep up" all for the sake of keeping that peace. Either way, I am a survivor, either way I have complete faith because my God is a keeper.
When I told my lil one we were going to church, he asked "Momma can you not cry, can you not be sad ?" I told him not all Momma's tears are that of sadness, I have a lot to be thankful for, so those are tears of joy. So the lil one says....."Oh I thought it was because the instruments were too loud.<------insert blank stare here and proceeds to do all the silly things to make me laugh. Thank you God for sending this child of mine, he is the BEST #Kids
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Ugh
I hate being upset, I am literally shaking....and that's not good. Thank God we have prayer tonight...need that bad energy off me asap....running Lord...I am on my way.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Sunday, July 08, 2012
I Play To Win
Tingling
Extended play time tonight, I love when we can steal away to make time for each other. I think we may have made a baby on this one.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
It's Been Decided...
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SIMPLE AS THAT. I thought about it and I realized it's the best decision I have come up with thus far.
SPCA Saves Family Dog Set to Be Euthanized
I am thinking of my beloved dog, gosh I miss him even more after reading this.
A California SPCA has plenty of good karma coming their way after giving one family a welcome surprise. According to KFSN-TV, a Fresno, Calif. SPCA treated and returned a dog surrendered for euthanization after being moved by the family's goodbyes to the pet.
A tragic accident left Kayla, the Martinez's family Weimaraner, with a giant hole in her chest. The family was doing construction in their backyard when the canine slipped on wet cement and fell on a spike.
Unable to afford the emergency care necessary to save Kayla's life, the Martinez family worked around the clock to try treating the dog at home. Sadly, their efforts did little to help Kayla's condition. Seeing that the dog was suffering, the family made a difficult decision and surrendered their beloved pet to the SPCA to be put down.
The father, Frank Martinez, was the family member who agreed to drive Kayla to the shelter once everyone had said their goodbyes. He told KFSN-TV that when he and Kayla arrived at the SPCA, he looked her in the eyes, apologized for being too poor to care for her and begged his pet to forgive him for his shortcomings.
This heartbreaking goodbye took place two weeks ago. Since then, the Martinez family slowly accepted that they had lost Kayla. Then they received an unexpected phone call. Shockingly, a doctor at the SPCA was calling to say that Kayla was very much alive.
The shelter was so moved by Frank Martinez's tear-filled goodbye, they decided to provide Kayla with the care she needed free. A healthy and happy Kayla was reunited with her family this weekend, and for the first time in weeks, smiles replaced sniffles.
A California SPCA has plenty of good karma coming their way after giving one family a welcome surprise. According to KFSN-TV, a Fresno, Calif. SPCA treated and returned a dog surrendered for euthanization after being moved by the family's goodbyes to the pet.
A tragic accident left Kayla, the Martinez's family Weimaraner, with a giant hole in her chest. The family was doing construction in their backyard when the canine slipped on wet cement and fell on a spike.
Unable to afford the emergency care necessary to save Kayla's life, the Martinez family worked around the clock to try treating the dog at home. Sadly, their efforts did little to help Kayla's condition. Seeing that the dog was suffering, the family made a difficult decision and surrendered their beloved pet to the SPCA to be put down.
The father, Frank Martinez, was the family member who agreed to drive Kayla to the shelter once everyone had said their goodbyes. He told KFSN-TV that when he and Kayla arrived at the SPCA, he looked her in the eyes, apologized for being too poor to care for her and begged his pet to forgive him for his shortcomings.
This heartbreaking goodbye took place two weeks ago. Since then, the Martinez family slowly accepted that they had lost Kayla. Then they received an unexpected phone call. Shockingly, a doctor at the SPCA was calling to say that Kayla was very much alive.
The shelter was so moved by Frank Martinez's tear-filled goodbye, they decided to provide Kayla with the care she needed free. A healthy and happy Kayla was reunited with her family this weekend, and for the first time in weeks, smiles replaced sniffles.
New Year's Eve
In amazing news....got an invitation to be part of the opening line up for New Years Eve!!! I am not going to lie, I gave a pause but quickly perked up when I heard the headliner. I am going to hate that I am going to miss church, but I've worked and waited for so long. Now onto the best part....WHAT SHOULD I WEAR???
Monday, July 02, 2012
God Covers
God is a provider, it takes more then $52.34 a month to help support a child. Live,Survive,Fight!
Nothing to worry about because God is the ultimate provider.
Nothing to worry about because God is the ultimate provider.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
A Mother's Love
It's totally black outside, I can still see the rain falling though. Figured I would reflect on how thankful I am for my little one.
I fall more and more in love with my child everyday. Sometimes at night even though I have sent him onto bed, I'll go into his room, and curl up beside him. I can't even begin to express how full my heart is for this child, he saved my life. God help me to guide him, protect him, create beautiful happy memories for him and with him...and when it's time for him to leave the nest, I allow him to fly.
That I not scare him with fears of the world, help me to let go when it's time. Who knew someone so tiny would come in and make all the difference, not just to me but to others. To the ailing, the broken...he moves people. I used to lay hands on my belly and pray for him. I prayed he would be a light and a leader. My loving sweet child, your tiny hands in mine, the way your laugh is contagious. Even when I am stern with you, one giggle and I am reduced to laughing myself. Thank you God for this miracle. When everything and everyone said no, God said so. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully express the way I feel about you, but I pray you somehow you know. Lord please grant me a long enough life to see this gift along the way, but I know whatever is your will, it shall be.
I look at the leaps and bounds you have made over the past two years and I still get emotional. I honestly didn't think I could not make certain things work but I did. I am my mother's child and she raised a survivor. I may not be raising my child exactly the way she raised me, but I am sooooooooooo grateful for all she bestowed upon me to get me to where I am now as a woman and a mother. She raised a survivor, warrior some might even say. I pray I continually equip my child with the tools he will need to make it in this world. God continue to allow my talents and gifts to be a learning tool not just to my child but to others. Thank you for the gift of song, and the ability to create and motivate in so many other arenas.
God allow me to not shelter him and myself so much, our care and safety and overall well being is my utmost concern. I can't wait to do this again, prayerfully with a girl...but God whichever you send me I am grateful. Protect us, grant us mercy Lord.
I fall more and more in love with my child everyday. Sometimes at night even though I have sent him onto bed, I'll go into his room, and curl up beside him. I can't even begin to express how full my heart is for this child, he saved my life. God help me to guide him, protect him, create beautiful happy memories for him and with him...and when it's time for him to leave the nest, I allow him to fly.
That I not scare him with fears of the world, help me to let go when it's time. Who knew someone so tiny would come in and make all the difference, not just to me but to others. To the ailing, the broken...he moves people. I used to lay hands on my belly and pray for him. I prayed he would be a light and a leader. My loving sweet child, your tiny hands in mine, the way your laugh is contagious. Even when I am stern with you, one giggle and I am reduced to laughing myself. Thank you God for this miracle. When everything and everyone said no, God said so. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully express the way I feel about you, but I pray you somehow you know. Lord please grant me a long enough life to see this gift along the way, but I know whatever is your will, it shall be.
I look at the leaps and bounds you have made over the past two years and I still get emotional. I honestly didn't think I could not make certain things work but I did. I am my mother's child and she raised a survivor. I may not be raising my child exactly the way she raised me, but I am sooooooooooo grateful for all she bestowed upon me to get me to where I am now as a woman and a mother. She raised a survivor, warrior some might even say. I pray I continually equip my child with the tools he will need to make it in this world. God continue to allow my talents and gifts to be a learning tool not just to my child but to others. Thank you for the gift of song, and the ability to create and motivate in so many other arenas.
God allow me to not shelter him and myself so much, our care and safety and overall well being is my utmost concern. I can't wait to do this again, prayerfully with a girl...but God whichever you send me I am grateful. Protect us, grant us mercy Lord.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Sisters in Life and Song
Last Night and Today Random Thoughts
I love my boss and thoroughly loved the fact that he called me to impart wisdom. I love the he knows he can trust me and I LOVE what I get to do on a daily basis.
Intended on washing the load of clothes that have been staring at me for a week now...I've literally been so physically tired I keep falling asleep. This weekend I vow to wash, clean and have a little fun.
I vow to not do ANY theater this summer. I can't see myself couped up in a theater all summer...no way. Fall and Spring ya'll got me I promise....if the coins are right that is. This Diva don't work for free.
It's hot as all get out today, left work early, took care of my biz and was able to pick up my lil one who happened to come running out in full face paint. Hilarious that kid of mine is, I embrace his comedic side lol.
I can't wait to go to church, though I connect and worship anywhere and anytime on my own, I can't wait to get to church. God...thank you, forgive me, and guide me, especially with my ex.
TGIF!!! What a week,phew! I am so glad it's over. A momma's work is never done, praying to get a little rest somewhere over the weekend. Stay hydrated!!!!!
Intended on washing the load of clothes that have been staring at me for a week now...I've literally been so physically tired I keep falling asleep. This weekend I vow to wash, clean and have a little fun.
I vow to not do ANY theater this summer. I can't see myself couped up in a theater all summer...no way. Fall and Spring ya'll got me I promise....if the coins are right that is. This Diva don't work for free.
It's hot as all get out today, left work early, took care of my biz and was able to pick up my lil one who happened to come running out in full face paint. Hilarious that kid of mine is, I embrace his comedic side lol.
I can't wait to go to church, though I connect and worship anywhere and anytime on my own, I can't wait to get to church. God...thank you, forgive me, and guide me, especially with my ex.
TGIF!!! What a week,phew! I am so glad it's over. A momma's work is never done, praying to get a little rest somewhere over the weekend. Stay hydrated!!!!!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
TV ?
What is the big guys name on this show Around the World in 80 Plates? No Bueno! I may go back to a no TV lifestyle, not sure. The lil one seems to like being able to watch it, but then again I would too. I am sure it is a sweet departure from all the educational stuff I had him watching.
I try my best to look away but I am semi addicted to these reality shows. Perhaps I'll rethink script writing, software just looking at me waiting for me to use it. Is this what we,I am down to? I think I like the reality shows better for the simple fact that it's fast and easy. My schedule is to packed to really get into and commit to a show. I don't want to start it, fall in love with it and then forget the channel and time lmbo! Fading fast, ate popcorn for dinner, tv is watching me right now.
I try my best to look away but I am semi addicted to these reality shows. Perhaps I'll rethink script writing, software just looking at me waiting for me to use it. Is this what we,I am down to? I think I like the reality shows better for the simple fact that it's fast and easy. My schedule is to packed to really get into and commit to a show. I don't want to start it, fall in love with it and then forget the channel and time lmbo! Fading fast, ate popcorn for dinner, tv is watching me right now.
Torn
Part of me feels so good and the other part feels so bad. Actually I feel...heck I don't know how I feel. When I walked in I almost threw up in my mouth from all the country bumpkin decor. Yes it's exciting to do something, somewhere you are not supposed to. Would I want him to do that to me, no...but it's not me, it's her.
My mind has been racing over the past couple of days about how we even got here. It's crazy to me how we put up walls so strong and it's all torn down with a kiss and a touch. I feel powerless, and as much as I like to be in control...I don't want to control this. Granted it's familiar and he claims i'll always be his only love, but is this the right direction for my life? She and I are nothing a like and from his perspective she's the "Money Momma" I guess Sugar Momma is the proper term, because she finances everything, even the money he give me.
I really need to have God direct my path. Why did we have to make up, things were so much more less complicated when we hated each other. All the sneaking and creeping is starting to mess with my heart. I told myself it would strictly be physical and to never trust him with my heart again but...
He wants out with her and in with me...but I don't know if I want him back in. God forgive me for stepping back into that house...I think we made it a point to visit every room. Lunchtime was never this good. Because I speak through music here goes. Enjoy.
My mind has been racing over the past couple of days about how we even got here. It's crazy to me how we put up walls so strong and it's all torn down with a kiss and a touch. I feel powerless, and as much as I like to be in control...I don't want to control this. Granted it's familiar and he claims i'll always be his only love, but is this the right direction for my life? She and I are nothing a like and from his perspective she's the "Money Momma" I guess Sugar Momma is the proper term, because she finances everything, even the money he give me.
I really need to have God direct my path. Why did we have to make up, things were so much more less complicated when we hated each other. All the sneaking and creeping is starting to mess with my heart. I told myself it would strictly be physical and to never trust him with my heart again but...
He wants out with her and in with me...but I don't know if I want him back in. God forgive me for stepping back into that house...I think we made it a point to visit every room. Lunchtime was never this good. Because I speak through music here goes. Enjoy.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
What it really is.
He tells me all his secrets
She thinks that I don't know
We lay together in daylight
I love him so
She thinks that I don't know
We lay together in daylight
I love him so
Teachable Moments
What a long and interesting day. I think the brightest reward was being able to facilitate the hiring of someone I know. Though other people associated with said person in others eyes would beg me not to help. I have learned that by being kind, genuine and forgiving to this person may teach them a lesson in how unconditional love and forgiveness works. YES, I HEAR YOU ALL WHEN YOU SAY, DON'T DO IT. I have to because it's the right thing to do. For my growth/maturity and theirs.
Now the flip, women hating on other women who are in positions of "Power" is the worst. I guess home girl didn't realize who we were and blatantly but unknowing played herself. I promised myself I would not take her behavior personal but I will check it. I am under the belief that the anger and disrespect... even self hate she is exhibiting, stems from something....can't pinpoint what and I won't try...I'll just keep my eye on her. Pray she lasts LMBO!
Body is tired, mind is floating into a state of I could care less. Feet propped up, dozing in 5,4,3,2.......
Now the flip, women hating on other women who are in positions of "Power" is the worst. I guess home girl didn't realize who we were and blatantly but unknowing played herself. I promised myself I would not take her behavior personal but I will check it. I am under the belief that the anger and disrespect... even self hate she is exhibiting, stems from something....can't pinpoint what and I won't try...I'll just keep my eye on her. Pray she lasts LMBO!
Body is tired, mind is floating into a state of I could care less. Feet propped up, dozing in 5,4,3,2.......
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Sinking Feeling
There is something to be said about trust and love. If you have no trust, you can ditch the love part. It's bound to fail sooner than later. Don't ever be so desperate to hold onto a man or a woman you know you can't trust. You know you can't trust them, but because you don't want anyone else to have them or you KNOW they want someone else, you stay. Or you don't know how to be alone and so you settle, don't be that person. If your gut keeps tossing and turning and you get that sinking feeling...well you. Sigh
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Look What Momma Got Tonight!!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Stress Relievers
Up early and well rested. It's amazing how a simple activity can relieve so much stress. That was long overdue. I feel like I can jog for miles.....ahhhh come on Sunday.
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Way You Make Me Feel
It's amazing what two people can accomplish in a limited amount of time.....still tingling, warm and fuzzy.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Hit and Run
So I am guessing the young lady that decided to hit me and flee the scene thought she got off scott free. I don't think so. Met up with my super talented friend Lovoz after the Awards show to grab a bite to eat..got hit on the way home...sucks right.Though the pain is not that bad I still have to take care of myself. I had my first Chiropractic visit and man it felt good. I don't really care about the damage to me car, but it's the principle of the matter. One of my friends suggested that I get out and confront the driver...I was like sure...so I could be kissing pavement, I got kids, no thanks.
I am just thankful to be alive and safe. I can't wait for my next Chiropractic visit...did I just say that? Well Dr. is cute lol.
I am just thankful to be alive and safe. I can't wait for my next Chiropractic visit...did I just say that? Well Dr. is cute lol.
Graduation Day
I am a very Proud Momma Bear, you did it baby, upwards and onwards!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Women
Why are you so intimidated by me? Is it that you are insecure because I have what you don't...or you think you have it, but deep down you know it's on thin ice? I know now why they say women are catty, jealous, what have you. Until you lock your game down, you'll always have that fear of "me"....and yes you should be very afraid.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Secret Love...Well Not Really a Secret
Finally some common courtesy for all that I do. You sure did surprise me with that last trick you learned, I can't wait until the next time. Thanks for remembering how to make me giggle,you do wonders for my ego! I won't tell if you won't tell....shhhhhh
You are Called By Name.....Devil
You think you got it going on? You think you can fool me and everyone else, well you got me messed up...I got two feet and I am about to stomp the hell out of you! Oh and I got a who crew that feels the exact same way, brace yourself it's on it's way.
Monday, June 11, 2012
New Sheriff in Town, You have been replaced.
So it's official. Replaced, REPLACING bad daddy, with good daddy. I can already see and feel the difference. There has been a shift in the atmosphere. This happening has to be the best thing to happen since sliced bread. In a matter of time, you will not even be a thought or a mention. Your ways I have grown tired of and it's time to go. I am so over, been over...you are now my sloppy seconds. There is a new sheriff in town and there is not enough space on this blog to talk about how he puts a smile on my face.
Loved this review! While I am not one to go into details about intimate relations, I am happy she likes her new product. I swear I laughed so hard, the way she had me running down the mailman. She just knew her new toy had arrived and he had it. Enjoy and don't electrocute yourself lol.
Loved this review! While I am not one to go into details about intimate relations, I am happy she likes her new product. I swear I laughed so hard, the way she had me running down the mailman. She just knew her new toy had arrived and he had it. Enjoy and don't electrocute yourself lol.
Our Mountain Retreat
They love to catch us giving looks at one another, hilarious!
Some Pictures from Last Summer
Friday, June 08, 2012
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
Why are women so...
I am always amazed at women who give each other a hard time, and for no reason at all. Either they are insecure, jealous, mean spirited especially towards each other. There has to be some resolve, I literally get sick of this. So many women out there doing their best to tear each other down, like crabs in a barrel. What God has for you is for you, no need to try and make others look and feel bad. In the end you will always lose that fight. I literally had to just sit back and calm and reflect.
I hear hating is a disease, get well soon fool.
I hear hating is a disease, get well soon fool.
My Big Fat....
So I pulled back some layers today...yes more layers. I confessed that I had lost my confidence in feeling like it's ok to have the life I dreamed of. It's taken four long years, to realize that my views on love and relationships are worthy, that I am worthy. I was afraid to be soft and vulnerable...to be the woman I know I am. I also won't give people who don't know how to cherish that in me any glimpse of it either. The lesson learned is those very same people once should always cover and care for you. By letting your guard down these very same ones will throw your weak spots in your face later.....all from personal experience I might add.
I started to believe all the things that were not given to me in my past relationship. He didn't make me feel beautiful inside and out, and it crushed me I was disreguarded and alienated...... So I treated him the same way. Never makes it right, but I was holding up a mirror in hopes he saw his own behavior. Now my heart is mending and I get butterflies when I think about all the amazing things that are unfolding. I recalled how I had added to his "issues" by adding my own fears and self judgement. I raked myself over the coals and told myself "You are not enough".....until.
He said to me..."You are enough and then some." Tears!!
Oh update...planting roots in Denver, Co
I started to believe all the things that were not given to me in my past relationship. He didn't make me feel beautiful inside and out, and it crushed me I was disreguarded and alienated...... So I treated him the same way. Never makes it right, but I was holding up a mirror in hopes he saw his own behavior. Now my heart is mending and I get butterflies when I think about all the amazing things that are unfolding. I recalled how I had added to his "issues" by adding my own fears and self judgement. I raked myself over the coals and told myself "You are not enough".....until.
He said to me..."You are enough and then some." Tears!!
Oh update...planting roots in Denver, Co
Monday, June 04, 2012
A letter to you
What about just being honest with yourself. It has to be hard to live the way you do everyday. To carry the hurt and hatred in your heart like an anchor. To live a lie, pretending to be happy and content when the reality is that you are stuck. I am not stating this a personal dig, I am saying it because believe it or not, I do care about you.
It must be hard knowing you are responsible for so much misery, separation, segregation and even deception. Set people free with the truth, they will still love you and even respect you more for it. The sooner you are honest the lighter your heart and life will be. Let go of lackluster versions of people who deserve to be set free....it's not fair to keep them in a holding pattern and more so believing they are your hearts desire. Believe that when you let them go they will survive and by doing that,you will bless them.
Family and friends will understand when you come clean about the things you have said, did, and the way you have acted. It's understandable, you're hurt....I want you to whole again.
It must be hard knowing you are responsible for so much misery, separation, segregation and even deception. Set people free with the truth, they will still love you and even respect you more for it. The sooner you are honest the lighter your heart and life will be. Let go of lackluster versions of people who deserve to be set free....it's not fair to keep them in a holding pattern and more so believing they are your hearts desire. Believe that when you let them go they will survive and by doing that,you will bless them.
Family and friends will understand when you come clean about the things you have said, did, and the way you have acted. It's understandable, you're hurt....I want you to whole again.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Update!!!
Weekend was sooooooooo amazing. Church, Water park, romantic walk on the boardwalk, house party, all that was missing my favorite restaurant....ahhh next time. Got a call from the Wendy Williams Show...if it works out I'll have to be in NYC Friday afternoon for taping. So many blessings , even with the hills and valleys.
So I saw these and had to share. You can't hurt me anymore, I take my life back and put you where you belong....under my feet where I stomp on your head Devil...yes I am calling you a devil, hence the second biblical quote. While I have taken back my power and have chosen to ignore my tormentor(s) I WIN!!!!
Fighting on others terms is how you lose- Jim Vance
Do not return evil for evil and you will inherit a blessing- Peter 3:9
Can anyone tell how hyped I am....oh Holy Pentecost starts this week....come join us
http://www.firstunitedwashington.org/
So I saw these and had to share. You can't hurt me anymore, I take my life back and put you where you belong....under my feet where I stomp on your head Devil...yes I am calling you a devil, hence the second biblical quote. While I have taken back my power and have chosen to ignore my tormentor(s) I WIN!!!!
Fighting on others terms is how you lose- Jim Vance
Do not return evil for evil and you will inherit a blessing- Peter 3:9
Can anyone tell how hyped I am....oh Holy Pentecost starts this week....come join us
http://www.firstunitedwashington.org/
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Effort goes a long way
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Funny Thing
When a woman says "what?", it is not because she didn't hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Faith and Helplessness
I feel so helpless right now. I have to rely on faith that God will work it out, but my heart is hurting right now.
Saturday, May 05, 2012
My Baby Praising the Lord in Song
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