Men and the Love They Deserve

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give; which is everything." -Katherine Hepburn


So I know this particular fellow has been poking me on facebook and making a point to speak when I help host the alumni events. He's more than a little good looking and has a bit of a rep for being a ladies man. Why me?...am I the one who is not tangible? I guess because I don't pay to much never mind to men they flock to me. So we connect and I am expecting this uber suave, fast talking, selfish asshole...NOT EVEN. Soft, extra shy, intimidated by me,nervous, scared,and says sorry way too much. He's so damaged it's sad. I think we assume that men don't need to be cared for. I had to tell him he deserved good honest, monogamous, healthy, good love. He told me in his head I would make the perfect girlfriend or wife if it were right, right now.

Awwwwww *Tears* Not really but it was a sweet thing to say. I don't really have it in me to hold any guys hand, nor do I want to...no time. I told him I was not judging him as he proceeded to tell me about how he has a hard time connecting with women. He said he struggle because of his shyness, and the women he has interest in seem so far out of his reach. He went onto say he found me attractive and loved my drive as far as school and raising my son. I told him I respect and cherish his feelings and that it was cute he thought so much of me.


Our connection was to say the least...interesting.

Just a little while longer

I have 2 classes on Monday, lil one is sick, my research paper is due on Thursday, did I say my lil one is sick. I also have to write an essay to try and win a scholarship, I really could use it. God I am calling for a healing and a sitter so I can go to class. The car was jerking last night, I can't afford for my ride to go down, trying to not stress out. Got to be strong hold on, hold on. Let's just say one day at a time sweet Jesus. I just need my baby boy to get better, I hate to see him suffer. If I could take on his pain I would. Something has got to give.

Holding onto my feelings today.

Surgery today, calling on God and all his angel warriors.

Love is a Verb...You just have to do it!

Semester is almost over thank Gawd!!!!!!!!!. I have to give him praise because so many times I felt like throwing in the towel. I was sick so many times, Jackson was sick, my ankle is still in a lot of pain. I was Aunt Em in The Wiz, took Mid-Terms and now buckling down for Finals. So many nights I came home, got Jackson feed, bathed, loved on and off to bed only to fall asleep studying. Waking up in the clothes from the day before only to do it all again. Still looking for a job, no luck so far but I refuse to stress out. I REFUSE TO STRESS OUT even though my English Professor got sick and we finally got a replacement sort of. She slams us with a 5 page research paper for our final...really lady...like I got time. Either way I want to pass, so it has to get done.

I need to be worth my weight in salt meaning:In the middle ages salt was very rare and valuable, so a person "worth their weight" was a person who was needed and valuable. Wiki

I never really ever have time to study, love on Jackson,spend time with him or really take a moment to relax. I spend most of my time playing catch up...not good, my house is a wreck. I feel guilty at times because I don't get the quality time with my son like I want and need. I feel like I made this commitment to go back to school and finish my degree. The sacrifices need to be made for a better tomorrow. I pray that there will be some balance but for now I won't complain..praise GOD!

The Wiz

So my return to the stage was such a rewarding feeling. I really wish I could do more but with Jackson I know it will be close to impossible. My friends and family really helped but it was a lot of running all over the place to get Jackson situated,I so cherish there love and support. As soon as I hit the stage Jackson ran down the isle to the front of the theater "MOMMY"...it was too cute. All that I do I do for him. I think if steady income was in place, paying a sitter would ease the worry I have about pursuing my dreams. I am trying to live my dreams so that he can one day dream to be all his heart desires. Here are some pictures from The Wiz...pictures of my friends and family are also on Facebook.

Thanks for all your love and support.

I will be taking on the role of Aunt Em...though my part is small I worked really hard. With school a very energetic two year old, I reluctantly took on this role. I was afraid of trying to do too much, but I love to perform. I often times find myself torn between my dreams and passions and being a good mother and student. I will save that rant for another blog. Anwho come check me out in the Wiz this week, I promise you will have a ball.

THE WIZ at The University of the District of Columbia

Live musical with a great band and performers.
Come join four friends who meet along the way on their fantastic journey in the magical land of Oz, for their common search to find whats already within. Through music, dancing, and friendships built...you will be in for a treat. Show dates & times are as follows:

March 25th - 28th;
Thur@ 10am,
Fri @ 7pm,
Sat 3 @ 7pm,
Sun @ 7pm

More shows to be announced

Ticket prices are $12.50 for general admission
$7.50 for all students
$5 for children 12 & under
for those interested in paying via PAYPAL, please send interests to David A. Richardson, drichardson06@yahoo.com

I Won!

National Children's Dental Health Month
So there was a contest to win a fifty dollar gift card and a pizza party for my son's classroom. The requirement was either a song,poem or poster. I made a poster as well as a poem and included fun dental facts. When I went to pick up my part of the prize there was a beautifully hand written card. I worked hard on it and I am proud that I was able to do that for my son. Education is very important and I need to be a consistent example.

To My Son by ADDicted

To My Son by ADDicted


Five times a day
I pray as hard as I can
to be an example for him
Every Bismillaah ir rahmaan ir raheem
I pray for my sins
I pray for GOD to protect him
You see, I loved him before I met him
Now, that I know him,
I’m in love again
My son
I will always be your first kiss
Your first love
As long as, we both shall live
Now, I reminisce about the
9 months that bought us to this
And the stretches that mark
My stomach, hips and thighs
I am filled with pride
as I look at my child
My son, My heart,
my love, the reason I exist
Always, always remember this….
I love you and I will always cherish
Every smile, every laugh, every kiss
As I reminisce
My son

Follow the Leader

Beautiful piece, praying I can pull it off.

Round Midnight

Working on this piece.

It begins to tell,
'round midnight, midnight.
I do pretty well, till after sundown,
Suppertime I'm feelin' sad;
But it really gets bad,
'round midnight.

Memories always start 'round midnight
Haven't got the heart to stand those memories,
When my heart is still with you,
And ol' midnight knows it, too.
When a quarrel we had needs mending,
Does it mean that our love is ending.
Darlin' I need you, lately I find
You're out of my heart,
And I'm out of my mind.

Let our hearts take wings'
'round midnight, midnight
Let the angels sing,
for your returning.
Till our love is safe and sound.
And old midnight comes around.
Feelin' sad,
really gets bad
Round, Round, Round Midnight
(A pale and lonely moon
Lights the sky in the dark
Before the dawn
I sit here in my room how I sigh
For the day that's come and gone
Another lonely day passes by
And a new day's coming on
At midnight

Tears I've shed today
Will pause waiting until tomorrow
Dreams of what could become close to me
Timidly
There's a brand new day in sight
At that time 'round midnight

Life's a game of chance
And you're one of the minor players
Look for what you love
The day to come harbours some
Let your spirit stop the fight
At that time 'round midnight

Every day's gonna bring some sadness
Every day's gonna bring some gladness
So take what you can of the glad times
Don't measure your pleasure in nickels and dines

You better look back on the day
And you'll know when you've been unhappy
Fears don't chased away just mighty might have the day
Let your eyes put out their light
At that time round midnight

I'll think no more about today
For in a while this old day will be yesterday
Alone at midnight here in my room
I sit here in the gloom
And let my dreams take flight
'Round 'bout midnight

Happy Valentine's Day..Birthday approching

I think most women like flower and candy...I'll skip the candy but a balloon and some tulips will do. Really the love is more important than anything that could be purchased. Romance should not always be measured in what is paid for,but rather how you really appreciate the other person. Love should be show everyday. I have never had "love" on Valentine's Day and that's fine by me.I wish happiness to all in love or in like.

Birthday will be here soon, not totally checked in....shoulders hurt. Very tense. So much to do and no time to get all excited about it. I am thankful. I have the best gift every year...my son.

Captain's Log

Yes...It's 3:42 am. Jackson went down hours ago but I still have a ton of projects to finish. There is a contest at his school to win 50.00 dollars...I so need it,so instead of doing one part of the contest I am doing two. I wrote a poem and still have a couple of pictures to draw and cut out for a poster. I am still working on one essay and need to start the other for my English Composition class, not to mention read a book. I still need to go over my scales,chords and blocks, rehearse my lines for the play. Hard trying to juggle it all and be a mother at the same time but it is my life.

You would think that this snow storm has provided me ample rest and opportunity, but with children they come first. My son does not recognize that I need some time to do things for myself, he's just a baby. Even though I have so much to do for school,  my son's need to interact with me is very important. Either he wants me to dance with him to Barney or he is begging me for gwapes,lol. I only used 1 pull up today YAY!

You asked I Answer

After having my son I found it very difficult due to the fact that I has no assistance. I recall being tired and in so much pain and asked to move around way before I was physically ready. I did not say anything due to the fact that I was made to feel as if my pain was minimal when I was unknowingly in my early stages of pregnancy. I was exhausted beyond words and was dealing with incredible pain in my back. I was told, what  I was dealing with was nothing. I still worry now that people will think I am being "extra" when I am in pain, so I remain silent. I have to remind myself that is how someone who did not have my best interest treated me and that people who really care about you, will express an urgent concern. So ladies with that said...make sure you have an amazing partner and support team. I was somewhat able to rely on my friends and family and to this day I thank them. Below is so advice you can take to the bank with you.

What can I do to get my home ready for a mom recovering from a c-section?

The new mom recovering from a c-section is recovering from major abdominal surgery. Stairs are often very challenging if not altogether 'banned'. Create a space in the main area of your home for the mom to nest. In my house it was our lay-z-boy in the living room. A table should be nearby and sturdy enough to hold a few books, a telephone (whose ringer can be turned off), a big glass of water and a small plate of snacks. Make sure to have a few pillows of different sizes and shapes on hand - especially if she is breastfeeding. Pillows help the mom support her baby without putting pressure on her healing tummy. Do not expect her to cook and clean for the first few weeks. Recruit help from friends and family, but also remember that a mom recovering from a c-section needs peace and quiet. Now is not the time for her to feel like she must entertain. The sort of help you need is someone to deliver pre-cooked meals for you or whisk away your older children and shower them with some attention.

Pressing the Restart Button

So Sy and I talked yesterday, very emotional conversation. He quoted something I told him months ago that still holds hope. I thought it was sweet and I did not tell him he was wrong, but I still said good bye in a not so distant way. I care and love him very much but it is time for me to move on. We had a very beautiful intimate relationship that will probably never die in our hearts.

He made me feel beautiful inside and out. He was not a selfish lover in or out the bedroom and Lord forgive me some of the best sex I have EVER had. He is a marathon lover who took his time to please me...and in turn I wanted to do all I could to make him happy...in and out the bed room. I never usually talk about two things my son's father or sex but today I am talking about sex. Yes I broke my celibacy and I am not upset about it at all. I was celibate for a little over two years. I was with my son's father on February 16, 2007 and no one until March 14, 2009... good huh,lol. No regrets.

When a man takes the time to appreciate a woman past the physical and really wants to make her happy, he will find sexually pleasing her as a must. Women are emotional and if he doesn't stimulate the heart...it's just a f&%$. Don't get me wrong do what ya do, but in a healthy relationship there needs to be that connection.


I miss the foreplay and the extended lovemaking, tough act to follow. I am open to dating again but Sy is such a gentleman that these city boys know nothing about. Sy courted me and I felt like the bell of the ball all the time when I was with him. I won't hold a score card up every time because that's not fair but whoever "he" is better bring it. Sy is the second man I have been involved with that knew that being there for his woman was essential. Hayden was the first...he was a nut and another story. All in all that laid a wonderful foundation and set the standard for being treated well.

Photo by Baba Kuroji-Ntu Patrick

The Most Beautiful Child

Do we look alike?

You Again part 2

Even though the kiss was sweet and I was a bit hopeful...I still proceed with caution. Looks like there will be no reconnection here,sad but we seem to have bad timing. God knows what's in store and I can't be mad at that. It felt good to be kissed and kissed by him...missed EVERY SINGLE good and not so good thing about him. I love you but now I have to walk away for good. I have a son and a life I have to live free. If it is to be God will make a way.

You Again

He kissed me last night...nuff said for now. Giddy like a young girl with a crush.

Sisters

Me@ Sticky Rice

I loved the Sushi...I had the Yum,Yum...can't wait to go back.