By: Healthy Black Women and Girls

With all honor and respect to the single mothers who raised many of us, we want to ask how do we break the cycle and begin to build stronger, more stable families and homes so that our children can thrive and our communities can heal? Self love. Let’s make thoughtful, mindful, deliberate decisions about the men who we give our hearts and bodies to. If a man has not demonstrated his loyalty, love and respect for you then that should tell you all you need to know about his future potential as a husband or a father. “I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” [Quote: Maya Angelou.]
 

Another Year!!!

My birthday was AMAZING!!!! My sweet, sweet Larry walked in and I gave the ugliest cry. He really caught me by surprise by showing up.

Love Day Continued....Yeah Baby!!!

What's in the box???

A big Teddy!!

So I am still getting stuff.....ooooohhhhh I am such a mush ball. Tears, good tears, happy tears.

My Live Performance....Enjoy!

Good Times, more shows coming soon, stay tuned!!

Procrastination

This is what procrastination gets you....missing the Grammy's in LA this year. :-(

Consecration

In consecration, drawing closer to God...can't help but to nourish the budding thing in my mind...spreading to my heart...sigh, writing a poem. Counting down the days...I can hardly breath. Let me refocus..but the heart wants what it wants...can't stop that...for reals...refocusing...he'll still be there once it's over.

The Burning Questions

Are you single?,Is that an engagement ring?,Is he your husband?

Sorry folks, but I can't let you into that part of my life now. I will say this, LOVE looks good on me. Protecting what I consider what an amazing gift.....right up there next to being a mother. I am happy, I feel beautiful, I know for a fact I am found interesting, quirky, cute, sexy, funny and loveable.

Love starts with friendship

So I put put together a video blog for some of my viewers who have asked me to elaborate on my latest question..."Do you really know who you are in a relationship?" For whatever reason they won't post...UGH! I understood that it would take me having to just lay it on the line so here goes. There is more in the video on some personal things of where I was, then and now. I am delivered from hurt, shame, and the feeling of "not being enough. We place so much faith in man, that when he fails us we feel devastated.

I had NO CLUE about how to be in a relationship. I was in my FIRST "REAL" ADULT RELATIONSHIP in 2005. I had a couple of boyfriends, dated a few, but that was what I considered my first. I pretended to have it all together and acted like I had my answers in order. I embellished experience to hide the fact that I was not "schooled, versed, or hip" to the ways of men. I was never given the rules and every question I asked was answered from a place of negativity, and that it was acceptable to leave rather than "work it out". I was living a lie, I am forgiving of my teacher, I understand NOW why she did what she did. As a parent we should not project our fears and insecurities upon our children, it robs them. The best part of us having this discussion is that we move to look a little deeper at "Do you really know who you are in a relationship?"

 I am happy to have been reintroduced to LOVE and it makes me nervous and excited at the same time. Charge it to my head and not my heart, I am doing my best to answer your emails and cover some of the issues in my videos.

Later Lovies!

Is That Lil Ole Me???? I am Flattered!

Step Your Life Game Up

So there was a moment of clarity when when she said it... You get what you expect and you deserve what you allow. I was like wow, that is deep, of course it was borrowed from an old soul but the sentiment was just the same.
I had been going over somethings with myself for a couple of days and realized that you have to continue to press for what you want in life. We all know...well most of us know nothing comes easy and some things just land in our laps.
Realize that whatever shade of stupid does not look good on the average person and you should never allow anyone to influence you with there own dysfunctional rhetoric. A lot of times people who are so set in their own beliefs due to fear of transition, progress or just personal happiness will also try to convince you that the sky is green.

If it's that job you have been wanting, go after it. If it's respect give it and you will get it. Step your life game up and you will see your blessings flow. Giving of yourself is one of the most selfless things you can do in any area.
If it's love you desire and you want to be courted a certain way...who says you can't have it the way you want it,need it, pray for it? I find clarity about a lot of things if I put it out there in the universe, usually I'll get the answer that puts my mind at ease.

It's a personal goal of mine to not be so scary and say exactly what is on my heart or messing with my mind. I am starting to realize folks will still love you, they will still like you and they will still hate you so what difference does it make. So to all my fellow scary folks out there I pray that you step your life game up, get the love you deserve and give of yourself.

The Color of My Voice

My cast mates love the color of my voice, I am officially flattered.

Heavy on my Mind

Going to pray, school on my mind...don't want to drop out. So much on my mind...I wish I could just escape for the weekend. Somewhere where the leaves are falling and I can relax..oh the lil one can come too lol.

Scribes from 2005

So I flew down to Charlotte, NC and I must say It was beautiful. My friend bragged since the moment we meet how nice it was. I never thought about living anywhere else but DC but I don't know folk Charlotte is in the running. My God-brother didn't`t make it down and so Kenyatta and I hung out on our own. I can say it`s really nice to hang out with progressive Black men, my God-brother included. Their funny,know how to have a good time, respectful,and really have there eyes on the prize.
I met Kenyatta almost a year ago and I can say that after that weekend with him he will definitely be a brother I can call a friend, It`s so good to know there are still men out there that are not trying to get into you panties.

I will admit I worried about that initially before I got down there and I was pleasantly surprised when he didn't`t make a move. I guess in the world of guys and dolls this doll has had little faith in guys. I don`t have many male friends and I am so glad to have this one in my life. Back in DC/VA another storm is brewing, my ex-beau/beau

Loving You

I'm a romantic at heart...just a love scribe that came to me. No one in particular, just felt good.
I remember when you came into my life, I was scared for you.
I wasn’t ready for you, I wasn’t ready to love you, and my heart wasn’t open to receive you.
I looked at you as an obstacle I had no idea how to approach you/ this.
As I watch our relationship grow, I stand in awe and amazement.
You are the thread that holds my temperamental life together. I can’t phantom life with out you. Through your eyes you have given so much by how you view the world, I remember I was once like that. I can’t thank you enough for the gifts you give.

Beautiful you

Beautiful you chocolate and new.
Surprising me each and everyday.
Honest and true with nothing to lose.
You show me that dreams do come true.
You came without asking and give without thinking.
So full of beauty I never even knew.
Beautiful you chocolate and new.
Surprising me each and everyday.

I was thinking of my nephew when I wrote this
He will be five on September 26, 2000
I never knew I could love someone so much.
The feelings I have are so much at times I feel like I am going
to burst. My heart is so full of love for him.
He is a master and commander and he has no clue.
It’s so amazing to me how he forced me to want to do better for myself.
I was faced with the realization that I have to do better so he can live.

He could live with love and hope and dignaty.
He will have a chance in this world and I will do whatever,however so his life here
on earth has a fighting chance,and it will not be in vain.

Smile

So life has been interesting in 2011. School was brutal and I still have one more final to take, piano cramped fingers my lawd...God help me. It's been quiet on my blog because of the stalker(s) that I have. I promise that as soon as I clear it all up I'll go back to my public forum. Until then be well and live life until the wheels fall off.

Lessons

The best prediction of future actions is past actions.

God's Protection

God covers me, NO WEAPON FORMED!

Moving Forward

I'm MATURE enough to forgive you, but not dumb enough to trust you again.

Fire and Desire

The "Know your Status" event was amazing. I was so honored to be a part of it. All the performers did a great job and I look forward to working more with them. Pictures posted soon.

My Gig with Robert T & Maysa

First Musical Gig of the Year

Dear friends,

I would like to invite you to a show of song, poetry, dance, trivia & prizes. Join us as we celebrate life in this variety style of performances all about marriages, dating, relationships, and sex!
This is a benefit performance in recognition of National Black AIDS Awareness Day.
Proceeds from this show will benefit Us Helping Us.
For admission or donations please contact David A. Richardson (202) 423-7013 for secure payment locations in DC or visit www.fireanddesireaids.eventbrite.com to pay online.
Join us at

Busboys & Poets
2021 14 Street NW
Washington, DC 20009

Sunday, February 6, 2011
7-9pm

General $10
Priority Seating $20

Hosted by David A. Richardson
Meet the Poets/Singers/Dancers
Lyrik Coleman/Poet
Sampson McCormick/Poet
Stephen Hughes/Poet
Matthew Rose/Poet
Kanikki Jakarta/Poet
Monte J. Wolfe/Poet
Jacqueline Ellison/Singer
Jeremy Hill/Singer
Gina Rose/Singer
Krislynn Perry/Singer
Cory Ings/Dancer
Latika Stewart/Dancer
John Orr/Singer
Jackson Caeser/Singer
Quick Links
Proceeds for this will go to

Us Helping Us
Contact Us
David A. Richardson
(202) 423-7013
drichardson06@yahoo.com

Proudly sponsored by:

Bethel Christian Church

Metro TeenAIDS

Brave Soul Collective

The Black AIDS Institute

Greater Than AIDS

SESTA
(Stay Educated Sober Tested Alive)

2011

If you're going to be childish,then you need to associate yourself with a different breed of people. When are some people going to realize all that crap they are saying out their mouth is 99% far away from the truth and 1% of it is clearly from the person who told you. Immaturity doesn't make you a better person it makes you ignorant and stupid. GET IT TOGETHER IN 2011

PURGING,PACKING,PUSHING FORWARD

I don't know where the wind will blow my little guy and I but wherever it is will be perfect. I am not afraid anymore...seeking closure and deliverance from bondage My little one is so amazing,life is perfect with him in it. I can't imagine not being with him...so excited for our new lives

The Sweetest Revenge

I have reached the end...really tired. I always say I am done but this time I really am. Plans set in motion as we speak. When you are nasty and hurtful to others, it only sends a message that the people they surround themselves with can treat you the same way. This is not a scibe of defeat, more of a declaration of promises. I promise to live my life well, that is the sweetest revenge.

Happy New Year!

Making Moves

Walking away from ALL hurt

Culture

@ The Guyanese Embassy with the President of Co-operative Republic of Guyana Bharrat Jagdeo

Alone with my Thoughts

Eating Smores and drinking warm milk...thinking.

Edting for a Website

First editing job,guess that B+ paid off. I'll be up late tonight,it launches Friday.

Two Years Ago Today...

Domestic Violence is real. Somewhere right now someone is suffering, please take a stand. I miss you Tiffany, I really wish you were still here, so much I want to tell you. I love you very much and not a day goes by that I don't think about you sister. RIP

Parent Policy

How involved are you in your child's education? UPO Weekend Orientation, so glad I am a part of this!

My Son Rocks!!!

I have an awesome child..I am really blessed. I still can't believe he is mine. I fall in love with him more and more everyday. I swear I have never loved anyone like I love him.

I had a long day and so did he. I took him to school, went to class, came back to his school for Parent Policy Meeting. I have been re-elected for Chairman so documents needed to be signed and the meeting was held, it was a good turn out. After I left there I took Jackson with me back to school. I did makeup for my school's fashion show. Jackson was such a trooper and hung with me back stage until I was done. He eventually asked to go home...long day home at 12 midnight. We were able to get a meal at school, and laid him to bed...now why am I still up lol.


My son rocks,I'm so in love with my little guy. I am going to the The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)conference this weekend. I am going to miss my little guy...funny I have not left yet and already miss him. I can't imagine not being able to see him everyday. Uggghhh and when I have to be away I am missing him badly. Well let me go to sleep and I will holler at you all later.

Today

Trying to apply for this job...would be a great opportunity....wish me luck.

Class was cool...got to grind this one out, music is so deep...trying to be a musician as well as a singer is not easy...for me that is. Dropped piano and will pick it back up in the Spring. I can't play and read very fast,plus the Professor was sleep half the semester. I challenged her about my Mid-Term grade but instead of arguing I let it be...I was not about to be her Guinea pig for her only semester here. I have always made a C or B in piano, never a D...something aint right

Stayed in the house all weekend with my little guy, he is so fun. I can't wait to pick him up so we can play, He is so in love with the puppy, I am so glad I got it for him. He would say "Mommy Woky is so cute I wuv him" and then kiss the dog...oh Lord it's too precious. He really needs the companionship, asking God specifically for certain things, he and I are need of...a new baby would not be bad either Oh wait gimme the hubby first lol...Thanks God lol.


Learned how to use a flash drive today....new things and so in love...I know I am slow lol.


Ok still pressing, this is a hard month for me, looking to God for strength in all this.

Oh going to a conference on Friday and come back on Sunday, got childcare thank God,going to take it all in.

Enjoy your day, I know I will try and enjoy mine.

Don't wait

Don't wait on anyone to make you feel beautiful...tell yourself!

Respect

How can we ask for things we don't give? The last one stands out for me the most. I guess over yeas of feeling disrespected, demeaned and not being considered...I have been accused of not being respectful. I guess it's been hard to just smile and take it, it's been hard to give someone something they never gave you. My behavior has been off the charts at times...all from frustration. I have realized over the years if a person is unwilling to change there is no need to get bent out of shape about it.


re·spect
   /rɪˈspɛkt/ Show Spelled[ri-spekt] Show IPA
–noun
1.
a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in ): to differ in some respect.
2.
relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3.
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4.
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5.
the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6.
respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7.
favor or partiality.
8.
Archaic . a consideration.

Angry Rants and Dropped Classes

I posted an angry rant a couple days ago. To be honest, I can see where the mad crazy lady could happen...to bad I am too much of a lady. I also have no time or tolerance to even act out..but at the moment I wish I could not care and act a fool. I realized I let someone who was ignorant get to me.


Getting hyped listening to classic Tina Turner...all I need now is some red lipstick and a short shiny hot dress to put on a concert for myself and the lil one lol


I dropped one more class that makes three...going to do my best to finish strong...this was a rough semester.


Dinner is on...tty later folks

Letting Go

Pain in my belly, head is spinning. I just let go of something heavy, I got tired of it so I asked God to give me the courage. I felt so shameful for all these years knowing God knew my heart and still denying his word. I am letting it go and I feel a bit more free.

Asking God to cover me, and be my shield. Weekend was spent in the house. I wanted to take the lil one out... I laid on the couch and cried and prayed, tried to study and prayed some more. It's almost Monday, I am exhausted...way past my bedtime. Sleep well and talk to you soon.

Richard Smallwood & Vision - Nothing Without Your Love

Push

Got to school@ 9:30 am, trying to work out a song I need to play. I got frustrated and said out loud " I could really use a friend right now"...had no one to call so I called on Jesus. Not even 5 minutes later my wise mentor walked in and gave me words of encouragement, I swear he is right on time.

Last night with Him

I ended up in tears, in his arms. I could not bring myself to make love to him. He tried, gave it a good effort,but I just could not do it. I don't remember how many times I said I was sorry. My heart ,body and spirituality was not up for it, I told him I just wanted to live right.

I am no prude by far, and though I fantasize about  "it" I just can't do it. He just kept saying "baby what's wrong, what's wrong, talk to me." I explained that I want to be married one day, and I live my life the way I believe God would want, and anything that is not like him is a disappointment. I want to wake up and see love EVERY morning and not feel bad. #Celibate and Proud

 Going to reflect on E and last night, I told him I didn't want to waste his time. He just held me, and wiped my tears until I fell asleep. I woke up to him kissing me and he went home, he is still so sweet and gentle with me, I know he cares about me ,but my salvation is more important.

I just kept asking God to keep me, said it over and over as I laid in his arms falling asleep. Things will get better eventually, I have to believe that.

Struggle, Conversations with Jesus

Not feeling well, mind is all over the place tonight. Being held, curled up under the covers would be good right about now. On the verge of tears. SCHOOL!CAR! LIL ONE!

Dropped 2 classes, never got a D..but I have one now in Piano class,I have to do better next go round. Weeping may last for a night,but joy comes in the morning...I need to see the sun soon. My life may look fun and exciting, but...well at least try to smile to keep from crying, feeling stressed out.  Something has to give. I have poured my heart and soul into my son, he has no idea what Mommy goes through to make his life peaceful. That's what you do for your kids, he is doing so well and his teachers and staff at school are seeing a change. I am really working with him so he can be all he can be in life, looks like he is progressing leaps and bounds.

Well I am going to study and pray, be easy folks and thanks for the love.

Bumpy Lumpy

Lump under my arm is killer...been there for months. I am going to see about getting it looked at,praying for nothing serious. Hurts really bad.

Holy Trinity Worship Center had a word for me

Went to church tonight...sang with my school choir. I am so glad because my flesh was feeling weak and I so needed a word. Holding on to God's promise for my life and a blessing is going to happen. Feeling better and going to pray and have more faith. God is always going to cover his children...just to think I was reflecting on the words J's whoever/whatever she is said to me really made me feel horrible. Now God put a song in my heart and I feel better. Well time to get some rest and go to school in the am.

Feeling Feelings and Not Needing to Feel Right Now

Funny how the mind, heart and body work together...Thank God I am in tune with God and myself.

Wishing, wanting to be held. Wanting to do things I have denied myself...all in the struggle to "do right". Missing the kiss, lick, touch, suck,feel of a man. I want to get on top,bend over, lie on my back and take it all in...but I am trying to do right. #Celibacy

I want my top undone and my body pleased...but trying to do right.

I know that though I allowed a little kiss, I am not really open to the idea of Ev. He is familiar, but not what I need or want...don't want to use him. I rid myself of all the good men I was cool with when I went all in with the Ex. I never imagined being with anyone besides the father of my child. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE feels foreign. It just never sat right in my spirit to not be with him, but life and the choices we make place us in different spaces. I could not imagine my child feeling and dealing with the reality that his mother did not want to stay with their father. I am worth so much more, I am valued and worthy of honest,put the work into it love. I understand that I was not treated the way I was supposed to be, so each day I remind myself of that, and everyday it gets easier in my choice to walk away. He never really showed nor expressed a huge enthusiasm for me and why would you want to be with someone who thought of you as just something/someone to do until the next thing caught his eye.I am a prize, PERIOD, POINT BLANK.

I am human, I miss making love, I miss having a relationship,and I want to start over. I do believe in starting over, and giving it a shot...as long as you are willing to do the work. I am willing to do the work. Body is screaming right now...so is my heart. .


Really want to rebel in so many ways....having a tough day. Father rock me.

Larry does DC again...October 8-10, 2010

We had such a good time, wish I had weekends like that more often.

Pants on Fire

‎"It never ends with just one lie"

Fender Benders and Drops

Got into a car accident this morning taking the lil to school. I cried so hard it was crazy, I just feel so unfocused. Everything is half and rushed. I was not rushing this morning...well sort of because I went to bed again at 2:30am. I was trying to do homework for my math class. The lady I hit today was so cold and seemed bent on saying she was hurt. The firefighters seemed annoyed with her after awhile when she was trying to laugh and joke with them. They had to do there job and I was just trying to calm down.

Lil started crying when I started to cry. There I was tired, late, in a rush, stressed out. The officer was so kind as to not charge me the full amounts for the tickets he gave me. They are one hundred dollars a piece. So two hundred dollars, plus the ticket I could not pay that is two hundred dollars now, plus the one hundred seventy...total of $570.00. YEAH,HOW WILL I EVER PAY THAT? I am not going to let this make me sad. I never been so behind financially since having my son. I have to just keep on keeping on.

Oh I dropped my math class today. I was struggling so much, I knew I was going to fail. Rather let it go now than fail later. Once I take this mid-term Friday, I will see if I have to drop materials of music. Ok babies...got Mommy/Daddy duty...holla at ya later.

Grammy U 365...Music, The Life of a Singer

Drake, and Neyo,my Classical Instructor Professor Holloman and (L-R) OPENING FOR MAYSA-Gina Rose, Jackie O'Day (BgVocals), Grammy Award Nominee & Soul Train Music Award Winner MAYSA, and Tony Carr Jr.(BgVocals)- at MAYSA Concert @ Bethesda Theater, Oct 16, 2010

Feeling Blah

So stalker called my phone at 2:20 am. Not only was she disrespectful in calling me, playing on my phone, but she is ringing my phone at a crazy hour,...so now you don't care that you wake me up,but you could wake up my child. How in the world can she think the way she acted a fool with me would be ok? Did she not know she would and could damage things between the Ex and I? That could have been her aim and wanted to make sure that if it was broke, she would make sure it was irreparable. How is that caring for him or my child? If you "love him so much" as she claimed, why be hurtful to me? God help me I'm so confused about all this crap. Enough talking about that for now, onto bigger things.

Missed my Mid-Term today...my lil one woke up at 1:30,4,5 and 6am to throw up. I made the decision to miss classes today and I am exhausted. I tried to study every other hour he was asleep. Times like that makes the single life suck, should have called Ev lol. Let me not even play like that, I know he would jump at the chance but I am just not there with him. He showed up at my show at and then took me to lunch. It was good to see him. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but I did not want to give him the wrong idea. When I got pregnant with Jackson, I made a promise to God to serve him. I have had my ups and downs with that, but for the most part...in order for me to be blessed I have to be obedient.

I know the sacrifices I have made will pay off in the end, so I am just fine with conversation from would be suitors. Real men love God and live to be obedient and honor him. We are not prefect but we should live everyday with God in the forefront of our lives. When I was a child I did childish things....so EVERYDAY WE SHOULD LIVE LIKE ADULTS. I just want peace and love in my life. The devil comes disguised in different forms like my Ex's psycho sex buddy. But I understand now, that this is a distraction...and I am focused on removing nonsense out of my life.


Well I know the two songs I will sing for my show next month, really excited about it. I will probably drop 2 classes, I really don't want to but Math is kicking my butt. I want to pass and this does not look like my semester to do that...If I am going to apply for financial aid, I need to drop and save my GPA. Well, I am not feeling well and I am sure I have whatever  lil one has uuuggghhh. Going to study and turn in early. Until later be well.

He Called...

Now what? He is E...and I have not talked to him since I broke things off more than a year ago. I left him to go back to my Ex, and he decided to leave the area. He's has moved back and reached out via Facebook. I didn't think too much of it and just chatted briefly via inbox and kept it moving. Well he reached out via yahoo IM, and asked if he could call...I let him. So now he wants to see me...today actually and I am not together. With all this foolishness going on with the stalker I just feel out of it. I can't stop him though, he is a man who goes for what he knows.

I will be hosting Lunch Time Jazz, A Music Series from 2pm-3pm, I will also sing a song or two. If he comes, it will be more than a year. We have always had an interesting relationship/friendship, either way it will be nice to see an old friend. He was so sweet, he offered to help me with the lil one, I could use all the support I can get. Mid-Terms are coming up and help, an ear and a hand are right on time. He gave me his take on the whole messy situation with the Ex and his stalker girlfriend, it was good to get a man's perspective. Well, off to do homework until I pass out...Math here I come...good times. NOT.

Still No Understanding of It All

So she called again today, I am so sick of this woman and her childish games. I have been going over and over the things in my head ,trying to understand how anyone could be that mean and desperate. It was a wound I worked really hard to try and heal and she pulled the scab off for no reason. Why keep calling me? I have yet to know what the truth is since being pulled into all this mess. I was minding my business trying to do my math which I am struggling in and here she comes calling...mind you restricted. I could not even finish, I just left school after that.

I was able to get some information on her and have been seeking advisement on restraining orders. I hate to say this is bothering me, but it is. He's disgusted by her foolishness too. He is livid she had to sneek into his phone to get my number. I have to think, is this woman going to show up at my door, and when she does, she will lose her life. I work really hard to have a loving and sound place for my son and I, now some foolish chick is messing with that. Never felt the need to leave my home, but I can't risk any violence. Someone will die and it won't be me. Why target me? I just keep asking myself why? Looking for another place everyday for her safety..Ugghh!

Just Because

Just because you are saved does not mean your not supposed to be mad or react to things. Now I have to go repent for all the 4 letter words I used lol... brb.

I cried so hard last night in my prayers, asked God to protect my son and myself and to let the blood of Jesus cover us. I asked for forgiveness in being angry at this fool...she took me to a place I hate to go. But just because I am saved does not mean you are immune to feeling. The Bible says, it is okay to be angry but sin not. Yes, repent because God judges us on our thoughts and what's in our hearts. God knows my heart regardless of my action the other day. I just had to call her out, get it out of my system what and who I thought she was. God will fight my battles from here on out. Whatever the drama is going on with the Ex and stalker is the Ex's doing not mine...all I want is peace and happiness in my life. I think they are both getting a kick out of this mess. Dude, I left you, stop hyping this idiot up to think I want you. I can't want a man, who feeds into, supports and partakes in someone who is disrespectful to me. I love God and myself more that you.

Tonight!!

@A Grammy event...got a wonderful blessing that night.

Despite the sadness in my heart, I am going to push on and get this gig tonight. My mother/angel has agreed to watch my son. I still have to press on even when I don't feel like it. I am trying to not let the unanswered questions consume me. I am tired didn't really sleep and got another blocked call today. SMH. So tired of this dumb woman calling my phone. I know Jamar is somewhere telling this fool it's going to be alright. I am sure she lied and told him she never said any of the foolishness she said the other day. I really don't want to have to change my number. I already feel inconvenienced by leaving my home.

Ok I got that out...TONIGHT:Singing backup for Gina Rose tonight. Grammy Award Nominee and Soul Train Music Award Winner MAYSA @ Bethesda Theatre, 8pm...tickets on sale!!!

Exhausted by it all

I fell asleep...I was exhausted. My son's father called and that drew my last bit of energy. I am up now attempting to finish my math and English homework@5:30 am.

Happy to Be Me

Joined Grammy U, Offered a position to sing lead in a band, 16 credit taking Student, Mommy, Me. Asking for God to give me strength because I have been making some choices that I am unsure about. Over all I am happy to be me, my son is happy, loved and cared for, we are blessed.

Over the Years, The Cutest Uncouple You Will Ever Meet.

Two peas in a pod 7 years strong and we don't intend to stop. All girls should have a guy who is a friend like him. Ladies,he's single.

Tears of ...

Received a phone call that reduced me to tears....in a good way. I made a promise to God last month and ever since he has been showing off with the blessings. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, God prepared me mind, body, and spirit to receive the apology and so now the gap is closed. Thank you Father. All the struggles and heartache I faced was just God's way of building me up to that moment. FINALLY validation and a kindred understanding that they knew EXACTLY how I was feeling. Sometimes people who contribute knowingly and unknowing to another person's pain, don't feel they have done any wrong.
It's an unfortunate situation, but when they do know and have searched their heart..that means there is growth. I cried so hard, I needed to hear that...that's all I needed was true sincere acknowledgment for the actions and it was done. I tell you God has been opening so many doors and I am running through them. Look how amazing and fast he works, just a month ago I was feeling like I had no fight in my left(even though I am the come back kid). He said just have faith in me, and look at what I am about to do for you and your son....watch me work! At this point it feels like Christmas to me...with gifts(I never get gifts I want,lol),I am like what's next...really excited. Again Father, I know I am a work in progress. I thank you for staying in the fight with me and for me....I love you.

So Far

So far Brian's funeral, it was like 25 years since I saw any of my old friends. Lizz Wright concert, Easter egg hunt, best friend took me on a cruise, Ximena graduated, hung out with my picture husband Troy,James poking his head in the back, Memorial Day cookout,went to see my old tour mate Chinah Blac for Can A Sista Rock A Mic, she killed it, Nicci showed up and she sang her heart out, took Jackson to his first baseball game, giving the blue eyes at a birthday party Khristi(photographer) is amazing behind the camera. Oh yeah your girl did it, I got a 2.9 GPA..3 A's, 3 B's and a C...not happy about the C...but it's better than a D. I really need to find ways to study before fall semester starts because things will get harder. I've got moving on the brain...really want to move to Europe in the next few years. I need to set some things up once I graduate and then we are out of here. For now SC,NC and TX. I was able to interview with an employer down in SC...my friends really came through...like always. Still pending, it's in God's hands.

Men to the left and right and to be honest...I am so lazy. I might not be ready...to tired to be honest and no time for men who are unprepared. I am doing to job of two parents in one household, so social time is challenging right now...but I do what I can. As I am typing this...my little one is right up under me.

Soooo I won't call him a "friend" but he is hella yummy physically. I love a man that works out. He's checking me out, but he is shy...so it's like talking to a bashful 13 year old boy...only cute for so long. I don't want to lead him on, but I don't know how to cut him loose without hurting his feelings. Then there was the guy I thought was a thug. We had our first phone conversation and he was so articulate...I judged...I was wrong(shame on me). Not sure I am attracted, time will tell. Ahhh then there is him...I think he thinks, I am supposed to be available for him all the time. He's really yummy but I am sure I don't want him on a serious level. We met over a year ago and I am still not smitten. It's crazy the men I meet are real lookers, educated and seemingly sweet...but really shy and lacking in self confidence.

Jackson...what can I say...getting big. Did I tell you we had our first field trip, train ride, baseball game, Six Flags...oh we have been all over the place. He's a ball of energy, no wonder I am tired all the time lol. I am so in love with being a mother. I was told it would not happen for me and now I have the privilege and honor.I would love a little girl and then I am done. I guess I might want to get a man and then act like I want to keep him(marry him)first. No more baby mamma for me, it's tough in many ways,but I do know I want another...love child? There would have to be special support on that one the father would need to be very supportive. I did it alone before, but "IF" I had to, Daddy needs to be hands on. Last year was a breeze, love all around, extra help...no regrets. I am happy I got a taste of what It could be like, now I want it all the time. I never had a guy around my son romantically, but I appreciated all he did from the outside.What else...oh went to NC to check out homes, jobs, celebrated Nicci's birthday and see my God-Brother. Larry paid for my ticket and so I hung out in NYC last weekend...had a ball. We danced the night away, went to Coney Island, Church and then I beat it back to DC...I love Larry(friends to the end)
Well I have a long day ahead and I must get myself together. It was good, see you in a couple of days.